Ibodera

Los Tigres 2009

2008-11-28T12:49:00.001-05:00

I dunno, but for some reason I have hope here. I just think they can really pull it together. I cant believe I'm saying it, but I am putting my eggs in the Tiger's basket. Shit was so bad before, it can only get better right...? Right?

I done forgot how to add links so here you go:

http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/hotstove08/columns/story?columnist=stark_jayson&id=3728385&lpos=spotlight&lid=tab8pos2

Lame...

2008-04-18T12:31:00.002-04:00

The following people suck: Viggy, Brown Guy, Other Guy and Lighter Than Darker Than...

I'm going to blame the amazing weather on the lack of blogging. Also the Western conference race to the playoffs. But now that the series are set, the West is up for grabs and the East will obviously be down to Detroit, Boston/Cavs in the EC finals. Anyways, there's a good chance that we start blogging again, but probably an equally good chance that we don't.

-Swami

Movie News...

2008-04-04T10:44:00.005-04:00

So for those of you who aren't fanboys, I thought I'd lay down some new info on movies that are coming out and some that have just been announced. First of all, I wanted to mention that while I love Hollywood movies and ridiculous garbage like Never Back Down, I find much more inspired to make movies when I see a film like Ping Pong (recommended to me by my boy Bill). The point is that while the following news excites me to no end, I don't condone only making terrible remakes and sequels and prequels and adaptations. I seriously can't recall the last good original movie (meaning script and style) that I saw.

Anyways... They just announced plans to remake Short Circuit. For those who don't know, it's one of the greatest 80's movies and substance I still quote to this day. This might be the only movie I'm pissed they are remaking. It doesn't need to be updated. That's crazy. Supposedly it's just Dimension films trying to cash in on the assumed success of Pixar's robot movie, Wall-E (which has all the potential of being the best Pixar film yet, and yes, I remember how good Toy Story was. Also in production that I mentioned a while back on my blog is G.I. Joe. I've been hearing good things about trying to make it more like Batman Begins and less like Fantastic 4 but if you ask me that sort of leaves it around the level of Transformers. Which for me is still something to get excited for (no new news on Transformers 2 as far as story line, but same cast/director/writers so expect around the same thing only it's supposed to have much more and better action so it already sound amazing).

(Early pic of Snake Eyes from G.I. Joe)

They are making a new Muppets movie. Ordinarily I wouldn't really care, I mean I love the Muppets but whatev. But my boy Jason Segal (Freaks and Geeks, Undeclared, all that is Apatow and writer/star of the upcoming Forgetting Sarah Marshall) is writing it with his Sarah Marshall director Nick Stoller. It will probably be filled with cameos from my favorite people so it's pretty much guaranteed to be hilarious and family friendly at the same time.

Other things in the works are The Lone Ranger (to be made into a bad ass by Jerry Bruckheimer). The X-Files sequel which will no doubt be amazing. Bruno (Sasha Baron Cohen's other hilarious character) is filming already. Not sure if you can match the hilarity of Borat but it will definitely be hilarious. Sam Raimi is going to make at least 2 movies about a young Jack Ryan (a Tom Clancy character made awesome by Harrison Ford in Clear and Present Danger and Patriot Games and then ruined by Ben Affleck in The Sum of All Fears).

The box office has been taking in ridiculous numbers and it's almost like any movie out there is going to make a profit so it's no surprise that there are so many movies being made. The downfall of this is that there are then a litany of awful movies made quickly to try and make some money and then people get disenfranchised with movies and stop going again and then they stop making as many. It's a vicious cycle. There is a lot more news and info online if you are actually interested in any of the above.

Go see something

-Swami

What should have happened

2008-03-26T14:01:00.005-04:00

Addendum to my previous entry concerning the Hawks.

How much better would the Hawks and Mavs be if the trades for Mike Bibby and Jason Kidd had been switched?

First the Hawks, I would argue that Bibby isn't right for this team at all. He's not the kind of point guard that creates opportunities for other players. He is a better shooter and ball handler then the Hawks previously had but that isn't what the team needs out of it's point guard. They need someone who can push the ball up the floor, penetrate and dominate the ball which isn't Bibby's game. Enter Jason Kidd. While he doesn't help the Hawks dismal outside shooting he does create easier shots for others, controls the tempo of the game and provides veteran leadership on the floor and in the locker room. He dominates that ball, which is fine as the other Hawks players aren't great passers. In addition, he attracts fans and potential free agents this summer.

Second the Mavs, Kidd isn't really hurting the Mavs, but he also isn't making them any better. Dallas isn't a team that looks to push the tempo of the game and in a half court set defenses sag off of Kidd and dare him to shoot, which makes things harder for the other Mavs players. (Note given the Hawks personnel with Kidd they would be a team that would look to push the ball at every opportunity). The Mavs already had great team ball movement before Kidd and now that he dominates the ball the movement has come to a halt. This doesn't nessesarily kill the Mavs it just makes the game harder for everyone. Enter Mike Bibby a solid ball handler, great shooter and good passer in a team passing game. Bibby could hit the outside shot to take pressure off of both Dirk and Josh Howard and still get the the rim enough to keep defenses on their toes. He wouldn't need to create shots for others, Dirk and Howard can create their own shots. He also could be a part of the team instead of being expected to be a team leader. This is something that isn't working with the Mavs since Dirk is obviously the man, which is something Kidd isn't used to.

The bottom line: We need a do-over. The Hawks need a point guard to push the tempo, create shots for others, dominate the ball and provide leadership. The Mavs need a point guard who can hit the outside shot, handle the ball, and fit into their team passing game.

~Viggy

Why aren't the Atlanta Hawks any good?

2008-03-26T11:09:00.008-04:00

The theory put forth has been that Atlanta was a talented team a point guard away from being a contender in the East. They have a fantastic scorer in Joe Johnson, explosive wing players in Marvin Williams and Josh Smith and, in my opinion, the Rookie of the Year in the middle in Al Horford. When they traded for Mike Bibby in February I assumed like everyone else they were a lock for the sixth seed in the East. Instead they've been battling with the Nets and Pacers for the eighth and final seed. I see four big reasons behind the Hawks failure to be any better.

1. They have no bench. Josh Childress isn't bad, but one guy isn't depth. A good team has a rotation of at least seven usually eight. After Childress you are looking at: Acie Law (an inconsistent rookie), Mario West (simply not that good), Solomon Jones (ditto) and Zaza Pachulia (a big white guy who sorta takes up space). No bench means the starters play heavy minutes which wears them out not only during the game, but also over the course of the season.

2. They can't win on the road. The Hawks have won just nine road games all season which ranks 23rd in the league. Hawks coach Mike Woodson had this to say about winning on the road, "You've got to control game tempo when you're on the road and you've got to defend and rebound. You do those three things, you put yourself in position to win." Which brings us to our third point.

3. They are deceptively terrible on defense. All of the Hawks starters are capable of locking down on defense, but the effort isn't there. Josh Smith is second in the NBA in blocked shots and 14th in steals and the Hawks still give up almost 100 points per game. This isn't that bad compared to the rest of the league, but when you only average to score 97 point per game it hurts. For our final point,

4. They can't shoot from behind the arc. The Hawks average 4.4 made 3's per game which is good for 27th in the league. This isn't terribly suprising considering most of their players are strong slashers. Unfortunately it allows opposing teams to sag in the middle of the floor which makes it tough for Horford and Williams to get easy looks.

I suspect the Hawks will sneak into the playoffs as the eighth seed as the Pacer and Nets continue to suck. The Hawks first round pick belongs to the Suns this year so they will have to address these issues in the free agent market. I've heard rumors that some guy who plays in Washington is planning to opt out. . .

~Viggy

- I know very few people care about the Hawks, but I felt like writing about a team that is ignored by most of the sports media . . . for good reason of course.

What I'm listening to this week

2008-03-25T20:20:00.007-04:00

This is just an EP, but it's perfect for a Sunday morning while reading the paper. In my case Sunday morning has extended all the way into Tuesday night . . . it's been that kinda week.

~Viggy

Your drop of knowledge for the day:

EP definition from Wikipedia: Extended play (EP) is the name typically given to vinyl records or CDs which contain more music than a single, but are too short to qualify as albums.

R-Kwame...

2008-03-24T13:38:00.003-04:00

You think R-Kelly is bad because he likes to pee on people? I say more power to him. Some people like a golden shower. I'm not one to judge, especially someone so talented as Mr. Kelly. Granted he definitely slept with that 14 year old but if he got cleared in court then who am I to say otherwise. But Kwame. Man WTF?

"Mayor Kwame M. Kilpatrick was charged on Monday with misconduct in office, obstruction of justice, conspiracy to commit obstruction of justice and perjury, felonies that could end his political career and send him to prison for as long as 80 years."

80 years?!

I was sure that they would charge him with a few things but when you're mayor and you do so many heinous things that they can lock you up for 80 years, then you f-ed up man. End of story.

I mean dude, skip town. You're in deep.

But no, Kwame isn't one to run. I guess that's about the only good thing you can say about him. But it's to a fault. The fact is he thinks he is going to be cleared of any wrongdoing and even worse he is not going to give up his reign of pain. Somewhere in that little chicken brain of his he still thinks he can be president one day. Someone needs to punch him in the nose. You know, so his eyes water and he sees things fresh.

Moral of the story: If you don't want someone to see something you write, don't write it down.

Stop texting

-Swami

Quick Tourney Challenge Update

2008-03-24T08:30:00.008-04:00

Considering Kyle and I have the most potential points remaining I predict that Mr. Cutri will fall from his first place position.

~Viggy

"Survivorman" versus "Man v. Wild"

2008-03-21T08:34:00.014-04:00

So I've seen a couple of episodes of both shows and I can't really decide which is better. For those of you who haven't seen either I'll do a quick breakdown.

Survivorman (SM)-
•Guy goes into the wilderness for 7 days without food or water.
•No camera crew, he films himself.
•Pretty much eats anything, but seems to shy away from the bugs and other gross things.

Man v. Wild (MVW)-
•Guy gets dropped off in the wilderness and has to make it back to civilization.
•He has a camera crew that follows him.
•Eats anything and everything the more disgusting the better.

I think it's kind of lame to have a camera crew with you, I mean how dangerous can that really be? It does make for better TV though, SM can get really slow at times. There is something to be said for watching someone eat disgusting things. SM seems to be lacking in this area, most of his time is spent looking for food which leaves little time for eating disgusting things.

Final Verdict- Man v. Wild, simply because the show is more interesting to watch and I refuse to believe that either of these guys are really "surviving." I don't care if you have a camera crew that follows you or a camera crew five miles away. The bottom line is that if something happens you can easily get help which just seems like cheating.

~Viggy

-It is probably critical to note that both of these guys are white. I'm pretty sure that matters.

Black Wrestlers

2008-03-20T18:47:00.008-04:00

The NCAA needs to find other sh*t to focus on (like for example, fining the University of Michigan athletics programs for sucking balls). There's nothing I wish to focus on LESS at this point in my life than the plight of half-naked, African American men, rolling around on the floor, grunting and embracing one another. Black wrestlers folks. Black wrestlers. The NCAA says that on March 20th, that's what's up. I say no; it is in-fact NOT what's up.

Look, I'm reasonably progressive, so this isn't about sexual orientation, despite the overtly ignorant nature of my tone and overall argument. But rather, it's about a nasty sport that literally stinks of bad hygiene and silliness. The only time one should wrestle is out of immediate rage build-up (Lighter Than...you know what I'm talking about). This idea that wrestling is somehow a "sport" is laughable at best, and completely ridiculous in actuality.

NCAA, get real. This is black history that I can do without.

If I offended any of you because you happen to be a former (or current) wrestler, well....sorry....you're a flawed individual and that is frankly not my issue to deal with. It's yours, so you can kiss by grits.

Peace,

~Brown Guy

Join the Ibodera Tourney Challenge on ESPN.com

2008-03-19T13:18:00.004-04:00

Click the link below to fill ot your bracket:

ESPN Tourney Challenge

Our Group name is (of course): Ibodera

It costs nothing to join and rumor has it that otherguy will provide the winner with a pair of new tube socks.

Why the Rockets have been better without Yao

2008-03-19T08:01:00.006-04:00

The Rockets 22 game win streak ended last night when they lost to the Celtic 94-74 at home. The Celtics destroyed the Rockets in the second half and held T. Mac to 8 points for the game. After watching the Rockets at least six times during the streak I observed two big reason why the Rockets have been playing better without Yao.

1. The team started playing harder, especially and most importantly T-Mac. The bottom line: when T-Mac plays hard and his jumper is falling he's one of the top three offensive players in the league. All of the other players on the team picked up on T-Mac's effort and started throwing themselves after rebounds, loose balls, etc. During the middle of the NBA season most teams tend to coast and put forth a minimum effort. The Rockets caught a lot of teams by surprise and the other teams simply didn't match the effort the Rockets we putting forth.

2. The other players on the team got their games going without Yao clogging the middle of the floor. The Rockets have surrounded Yao with the wrong type of players. Outside of T-Mac and Battier the rest of the Rockets are made up of undersized inside players who can't shoot and slashing guards who are streaky shooters who get going after getting a couple of easy shots near the rim (Not spot-up shooters). Yao is always in the middle of the floor and even though he can step out and hit 18 footers he rarely does and therefore he tends to clog the lane. This means the slashers have a harder time getting to the rim and therefore have a tougher time getting their shot going and the undersized inside players are constantly subjected to quick defensive help by Yao's man. The would be fine if Yao was a little more mobile or more importantly if any of the slashers or undersized inside players could pass.

I would never argue that the Rockets are better without Yao he's a 25-12-4-2-1 guy and he can score over anyone. Unfortunately the Rockets can't seem to get the right kind of players around him.

I expect the Rockets to fade over the rest of the season, but still make the playoffs. They've already expended so much energy and as the playoffs get closer other teams will start locking down on defense and playing harder. I predict T-Mac will again fail to win a first round playoff series.

~Viggy

Dunkin'...

2008-03-18T19:15:00.001-04:00

I know tomorrow is "sports day" but I just uploaded this video of my boy Bobby throwing down last week. He's 31 years old and can jump higher than I could when I was 18.

-Swami

Our new format . . .

2008-03-18T12:11:00.006-04:00

The guys at Ibodera have decided to develop a new format for our entries, which will help us to blog on a more consistent basis. To get your scoop on your favorite topics be sure to check the schedule below.

Monday - In the news/Examples of Ibodera in the world
Tuesday - Music/Books/Video Games
Wednesday - Basketball/Other sports
Thursday - Politics/Opinions
Friday - Movies/TV Shows
Weekend - Open (Does anyone even read blogs on the weekends?)

In addition to articles we hope to drop a little knowledge about what is up and coming in the world of music, books, video games, movies and TV shows. We also hope to have some guest bloggers, so if you are interested in getting your two cents in about any of the above topics drop us a line.

~Viggy, Brown Guy, Swami, Lighter than Muki, but darker than Kris, and otherguy

What I'm listening to this week

2008-03-17T22:12:00.009-04:00

This isn't brand new, it's just new to me. Blu is an incredible lyricist and he really shines in "Dancing In the Rain" and "Cold Hearted." I love the production by Exile, it's reminiscent of a 90's hip-hop sound that I miss. Give it a listen if you haven't and if you have shame on you for not letting me in on the secret.

~Viggy

-Um so yeah apparently I haven't posted in awhile . . .

Tiger's Better, Is Better Than My Better...

2008-03-17T15:19:00.002-04:00

Tiger Woods is ridiculous. He is the most dominant player in any sport in the history of sport. No lie. I can't understand how anyone can be so good at something, and not just good, but so much better than the best in the world.

WTF?!

Let the big dog eat

-Swami

B-Boy Alert....

2008-03-15T14:27:00.006-04:00

My boy Viggy alerted me to the fact that folks who write for this blog typically have on-point views on music across multiple genres. In getting that point across, I wanted to give folks some insight on what's currently in a Brown dude's typical rotation these days, so here's a quick B-Boy mix for your perusal/consumption:

“Desire” – Pharaohe Monch

“Bring Y’All Back Main” – Pete Rock feat. Little Brother

“Body Movin’” – J Dilla

“McNasty Filth” – Jaylib

“Boondock Saints” – DJ Drama & Little Brother w/L.E.G.A.C.Y. and Chaundon

“The Getaway” – Little Brother

“Merchants Of Dreams” – 9^th Wonder

“Light It Up” – Nicolay

“Make Your Move” – Hieroglyphics

“Right or Wrong” – Median

“Please Stay” – The ARE

“Pure” – Buff 1

You have to dig for some of this stuff, but I think most of it is on MySpace, iTunes or eMusic if you want to track down some snippets. I'm sure you'll notice the NC/MI emphasis, but what can I say? That's where my mind's at these days (plus the DC-area hip-hop scene leaves something to be desired).

Peace,

Brown Guy

PS. I'm getting ridiculous tonight. And NO ONE can stop me.

I guess if you gotta be a monkey, be a gorilla

2008-03-11T18:00:00.008-04:00

[DISCLAIMER- This post may have redundancy with previous posts, but kiss my a$$, this story's got legs---possibly stripper legs.]

What do Eliot Spitzer and Kwame Kilpatrick have in common with the wildest of wild gorillas? Simple answer. Everything. These two mammals have the wherewithal, gumption and audacity to rise to political stardom by connecting with people on the faux-issues they think they care about (in Detroit it's "who can be the 'blackest'" and in New York it's "who can bust Wall Street's nuts like squirrels before the winter") and then "govern" by polarizing constituencies, while failing to see beyond the diseased tip of their own penises, ultimately falling into the abyss of monkeyishness and "skeet- skeeting" that we now understand to be the political norm. Long, run-on sentence, I know. But I'm on a rant and that's real.

"Like twooooo gorillas in the jungle making love" - R. Kelly

Eliot: "I did not have sexual relations with this woman [she's too old and busted]."
Kwame: "All I need is a hot thang, hot thang, hot thang, hot thang..."

I'm sick of it. Maybe these so-called leaders take too much stock in the "power of the penis" and that's what allowed them to act up like some nubile hominids. But I doubt it.

Eliot Spitzer and Kwame Kilpatrick, you are the bammers of the millennium. As R-Kelly once mused in one of his countless ridiculous-ass songs, "youuuuu don't gotta go home, but you gotta get the helluponoutta heeeere." I look forward to seeing your impending downfall.

Impeach/Recall/Resign,

~Brown Guy

Elllliooooooot....

2008-03-10T17:30:00.005-04:00

So Eliot Spitzer (guvernator of ny) is said to have been with high priced prostitutes. Here's what I don't get. When you're in a political office, Mayor of Detroit, President of America, Gov of NY, don't you think you'd stop spreading your goo until you're done. I could see in your last term maybe. You know, who cares if you get elected then. But during your first term, or early on in your career, you should probably just keep it in your pants. When all of your moves are coordinated, how do you even get away to do that. That's one thing I always wondered about Bill. He was the president. Every minutes of his day (everything I know about the presidency I learned from The West Wing) is coordinated by someone else. They tell him what to do and when to do it. So someone knew he was boffing Monica. So what I don't get is where you get the balls to do that. Someone was gonna tell someone. He knew it had to happen. I mean it takes one gully dude to say, 'I don't give a f@!k.' I mean that's some R Kelly type stuff.

I think the word I'm looking for is 'baller.'

How funny would it be in court though if someone on the stand brought in an ET doll and made him say "Elllioooooootttt." Hilarious.

In all honesty I plan on running for mayor one day of whichever city I settle down in (unless it's a big city) and you can be sure that I won't be doing that. Who has the time and energy to deal with that much ibodera when you're that old. No one.

Vote for me

-Swami

Represent

2008-03-07T10:21:00.002-05:00

I am sort of out of town right now, but after the most recent volley back and forth about no one posting I decided to make a small but hopefully enjoyable contribution.

The other day I found myself deeply analyzing of my my favorites artist from way back and concluded that NaS' rhymes as a 17 year old are simply more sophisticated than NaS as a 30 year old. I just cant feel him the way we all once could.

So, in the spirit of "representin" ibodera's vow to be better about blogging - I thought I would post the lyrics to an oldie but a goodie: Represent, Illmatic.

Despite the content of the lyrics...

Peace Out,
-Lighter than, but darker than.

Represent, represent!! [repeat 4X]

Straight up shit is real and any day could be your last in the jungle
Get murdered on the humble, guns'll blast, niggaz tumble
The corners is the hot spot, full of mad criminals
who don't care, guzzlin beers, we all stare
at the out-of-towners (Ay, yo, yo, who that?) They better break North
before we get the four pounders, and take their face off
The streets is filled with undercovers, homicide chasin brothers
The D.A.'s on the roof, tryin to, watch us and knock us
And killer coppers, even come through in helicopters
I drink a little vodka, spark a L and hold a Glock for
the fronters, wannabe ill niggaz and spot runners
Thinkin it can't happen til I, trap em and clap em
and leave em done, won't even run about Gods
I don't believe in none of that shit, your facts are backwards
Nas is a rebel of the street corner
Pullin a Tec out the dresser, police got me under pressure

Represent, represent!! [repeat 4X]

Yo, they call me Nas, I'm not your legal type of fella
Moet drinkin, marijuana smokin street dweller
who's always on the corner, rollin up blessed
When I dress, it's never nuttin less than Guess
Cold be walkin with a bop and my hat turned back
Love committin sins and my friends sell crack
This nigga raps with a razor, keep it under my tongue
The school drop-out, never liked the shit from day one
cause life ain't shit but stress fake niggaz and crab stunts
So I guzzle my Hennesey while pullin on mad blunts
The brutalizer, crew de-sizer, accelerator
The type of nigga who be pissin in your elevator
Somehow the rap game reminds me of the crack game
Used to sport Bally's and Gazelle's with black frames
Now I'm into fat chains, sex and Tecs
Fly new chicKs and new kicks, Heine's and Beck's

Represent, represent!! [repeat 3X]

No doubt; see my, stacks are fat, this is what it's about
Before the BDP conflict with MC Shan
Around the time when Shante dissed the Real Roxxane
I used to wake up every mornin, see my crew on the block
Every day's a different plan that had us runnin from cops
If it wasn't hangin out in front of cocaine spots
We was at the candy factory, breakin the locks
Nowadays, I need the green in a flash just like the next man
Fuck a yard God, let me see a hundred grand
Could use a gun Son, but fuck bein the wanted man
but if I hit rock bottom then I'ma be the Son of Sam
Then call the crew to get live too
with Swoop, Hakim, my brother Jungle, Big Bo, cooks up the blow
Mike'll chop it, Mayo, you count the profit
My shit is on the streets, this way the Jakes'll never stop it
It's your brain on drugs, to all fly bitches and thugs
Nuff respect to the projects, I'm ghost, One Love

Represent y'all, represent!! [repeat 4X]

One time for your motherfuckin mind
This goes out to everybody in New York
that's livin the real fuckin life
And every projects, all over
To my man, Big Will he's still here [echoes]
The 40 side of Vernon
My man Big L.E.S.
Big Cee-Lo from the Don
Shawn Penn, the 40 busters
My crew the shorty busters
The 41st side of Vernon posse
The Goodfellas
My man Cormega, Lakid Kid
Can't forget Drawers, the Hillbillies
My man Slate, Wallethead
Black Jay, Big Oogi
Crazy barrio spot (Big Dove)
We rock shit, Ph.D
And my man Primo, from GangStarr
(Ninety-four real shit y'all, Harry O!)
Fuck y'all crab ass niggaz though...
(Yeah, bitch ass niggas!) [etc.]

Teaching Boys and Girls Separately

2008-03-03T17:27:00.003-05:00

I read this article in the times and it got me thinking about how school would have been different if boys and girls were separated. Not by school, but by class. That way there is still co-ed mingling but there are no distractions in class form the opposite sex. I feel like this would have made the most impact in middle school.

For me most of my middle school years were spent playing Magic the Gathering (in front of girls), enjoying math, wearing ridiculously large coke bottle glasses and hating girls for being such bitches. Life would have been a lot better if there was separation. Boys always get along. Sure they pick on each other but it is really all in jest. There would be no competition, it would just be dudes hanging out. Likewise, I feel like one of the things girls hate most about each other is the amount of attention they do or don't get from boys. If Kelly's friend Anne gets more attention from Bobby than she does, then Kelly hates Anne. It's just the way it works.

Personally, girls didn't get along with me back then. Mostly because when they were mean to me, I would say f*ck it, I'm gonna roast you. I would then proceed to call them fat and/or ugly which would make them hate me more but also make them shut up. It was pretty terrible, but don't think you're better than me because I was a nerd and didn't pay attention to you.

Anyways, just something to think about. It's a really interesting article if you've got some time to kill.

-Swami

A White Hot Mess

2008-02-26T18:56:00.005-05:00

I'm probably going to start some sort of ridiculous-inner circle race war with this one. But before I move forward, let me just say that I feel I've befriended enough white people to go here. (And let's be real, 98% of everyone that I know is white...or somehow trying to be white.) And for those of you who are offended by me posting this, just remember that I'm really Cablinasian and I'm learning to play golf some day (so get off me!).

Okay, so here's the story (I'm going to go ahead and flip everyone's insides out ): Some girl I know who sleeps about four inches away from me every night put me onto this website called "Stuff White People Like." It's got some serious viral buzz behind it and the number of unique hits as well as dedicated readers is spreading like wildfire. It's a blog that basically extrapolates stereotypes about white people in a thoughtful, yet truly playful manner.

I've literally read every single one of the posts on here (there were 74 of them last time I counted). It's freaking hilarious--if not mildly offensive in the most benign sense. To all those who enjoy laughing about peoples perceived differences as much as I do, you should seriously check it out.

Now that I've "gone there," I'd be remiss if I didn't offer up some fodder for my anglo-leaning brethren who can't get enough of vicious stereotypes about black people (like we need stereotypes when we have to live with R-Kelly, Making The Band w/Diddy, BET Television and Wanda Sikes.)

Enjoy,

Brown Guy

PS. Random as hell, but I thought you all should know that I hate Wendy's.

Get well Mr. Yao

2008-02-26T16:55:00.005-05:00

~Viggy

-Thanks Yaysports, some day I too will learn to use Photoshop to add funny captions to NBA photos.

Yao Out...

2008-02-26T15:03:00.004-05:00

... for the season. Sucks. I really like Houston. Just wanted to mention this because I've been meaning to talk about how ridiculous the west is right now. 10 teams deep?! Are you serious? Granted Portland has fallen off a little and now that Yao is out, Houston will most likely follow suit making Denver and Golden State the likely 2 to round out the last playoff spots. But how crazy is it that only a few games separate the 1st and 9th teams in the conference? Insane. Denver (currently 9th in the West) would be in 4th place in the East and have home court advantage. That's sick. Flip Saunders said he would like to see the top 16 teams make the playoffs no matter what conference. I really like that idea but still think that conferences are also a good thing. Maybe just move some teams? I don't know.

-Swami

Derrick Ashong - Don't Sleep

2008-02-26T10:45:00.003-05:00

So, someone sent this to me and I encourage everybody to take a few minutes and watch these two clips. You should definitely watch the first clip to set the stage for the second one. This dude does a really good job of both articulating the message most people fail to consciously understand and highlight the underlying sentiments of a perspective that Americans born on this continent probably are not fully aware of. In any case, don't sleep on Derrick Ashong and more importantly dont sleep on his message.

(Also, this pushy a$$ interviewer totally tries to check this guy and gets intellectually punked - loved it)

Derrick Ashong clip #1:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kica8hmSdAM

Derrick Ashong clip #2:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S2zO5d-XZWA

Bourne 4...

2008-02-25T14:13:00.007-05:00

Universal announced plans to make a new Bourne movie with Damon and director Paul Greengrass agreeing to do it.

WTF?!?

I loved the first one. I liked the second one. If you read my blog, you know how much I hated the third. I ranked it the worst movie of the year last year. It is one of the worst "action" movies I have ever seen. Not to rehash old feelings, but how can you call it an "action" movie when there is only 10 minutes of super shitty - "I'm going to use a handheld camera to make it look fast and cool even though it's not"- action. It's bull shit. Bull. Shit. So then what is it? Is it the plot? Oh, you mean the same exact plot from the first two? That can't possibly be it. It's not even entertaining. It's a waste of money. And time. And talent.

I used to love the shit out of Damon. But after the third Bourne and his questionable comments about Bond (he said it was a weak franchise and that Ultimatum was better than Casino Royale) I have started to question him as a human being. I mean WTF? Seriously? You think your shitty movie can even hold a candle to Casino Royale? Get the eff out of my face. I'll kill you. Why don't you go make another shitty Ocean's movie so you can waste more of your talent.

I do love Matt Damon. But it's hard to stomach these shitty movies he does and I'm bitter about it. If this movie does happen and you (yes, you dedicated Ibodera reader) see it, I won't be your friend anymore. I'll call you names and tell people you have the clap.

I'm out.

-Swami

NBA Trade Deadline

2008-02-21T17:19:00.006-05:00

From ESPN -

Cavs get Wallace from Bulls, Szczerbiak from Sonics

The Cleveland Cavaliers appear to have beaten the NBA's annual trade buzzer to get LeBron James some of the fresh help he's been openly craving. In a three-way, 11-player trade with Chicago and Seattle that has been submitted for league approval, NBA front-office sources say that Cleveland will come away with four new teammates for James, headlined by Ben Wallace from the Bulls and sharpshooter Wally Szczerbiak from the Sonics.

The league office was notified of the deal before Thursday's 3 p.m. ET trading deadline, sources said, and is currently reviewing the trade details as required for formal approval. After Cleveland watched two longstanding trade targets land elsewhere -- Mike Bibby in Atlanta and Jason Kidd in Dallas -- sources say that the deal calls for the Cavaliers to receive Wallace, Szczerbiak, Seattle point guard Delonte West, Chicago's Joe Smith and a future second-round pick from the Bulls.

The Bulls, apparently abandoning their gamble on Wallace less than two seasons into the lucrative four-year deal they used to sign him away from Detroit, would get Cavaliers forward Drew Gooden and swingman Larry Hughes along with Cavs reserves Cedric Simmons and Shannon Brown.

The Sonics, shedding Szczerbiak in the name of additional payroll flexibility, come away with the expiring contracts of Cleveland's Ira Newble and Chicago's Adrian Griffin as well as Cavs veteran Donyell Marshall.

I'm not a fan of the Cleveland Cavs, but thankfully they seem on the verge of at least becoming more interesting to watch. Which is good, because much like the Lakers they are always on national TV. As a Hornets fan I'm much more excited about this.

From ESPN -

The Hornets, Houston Rockets and Memphis Grizzlies finalized a multi-player swap that sends Mike James and Bonzi Wells to New Orleans, with Bobby Jackson, Adam Haluska and a second-round draft pick going to Houston.

~ Viggy

Chicago Politics - all jacked up

2008-02-21T11:25:00.003-05:00

Just to give you guys some idea of the ridiculousness that goes down in the course of elections I thought I'd post this tid bit for your enjoyment. For anyone who has ever even volunteered on a campaign you know a tremendous amount of work goes into the process as a whole and election day can be as complicated as having a baby with no doctor. That being said, if you work on several at once the following kinds of "distractions" (and there is always something in Chicago) are what cause people to put up their dukes.

Enjoy:
http://www.chicagoreader.com/features/stories/theworks/080221/

Imploding...

2008-02-20T22:16:00.001-05:00

Speaking of the Knicks... This is just getting ridiculous.

You're grown ass men. Cut that shit out.

-Swami

Observations from the Wizards game

2008-02-20T10:32:00.011-05:00

I attended the Wizards/Knicks game last night at the Verizon Center. I'll be honest I knew it would be terrible going in, but the free center court ticket ten rows from the floor was too good to pass up. Plus I had to get a first hand look at the train wreck that is the Knicks.

Observation #1.

Eddy Curry is fat.

I know this has already been noted everywhere, but you have to see him in person to really understand how bad it is. It literally looks like he is wearing an inner-tube under his jersey. He is big guy, but all of his weight is in his hips, stomach and ass. Curry wasn't even defending Brendan Haywood he was simply leaning on him to catch his breath.

Observation #2.

This whole "keeping the non-basketball fan interested" has gone too far.

During the second quarter the Wizards ran a promotion for Chipotle. It consisted of the mascot having a huge box of burritos from which his "helpers" proceeded to throw burritos into the crowd. Seriously? I don't want a random burrito from Chipotle that you threw at me. On the plus side Eddy Curry seemed visibly upset that he didn't manage to snag a few.

Observation #3.

The "Kiss Cam" is still great.

The highlight of the third quarter came when Jared Jefferies and Nate Robinson appeared on the "Kiss Cam" together while on the Knicks bench. When Jefferies made a face the camera quickly moved over to Eddy Curry and Isiah Thomas. That brought the crowd to its feet.

Observation #4.

Watching the Knicks play more then once could drive you insane.

I have never seen a more disorganized or disinterested team. Somehow they did win the game in OT, but that was because too many of the Wizards key players were injured and because David Lee actually got some playing time and was killing everyone. He had 19 points on 7 of 8 from the field and 5 of 5 from the line. He's really benefiting from the fact that Curry can only make it up and down the floor about 20 times in the game. Zach Randolph also played well, but I'm still waiting for him to get traded after the he gets into some trouble in a New York hotel room.

I had some other observations which had more to do with the NBA in general, but you'll have to wait as I'm tried of typing and I need to get back to work.

~Viggy

-Thanks to Yaysports for the photos.

Whatever...

2008-02-19T22:09:00.002-05:00

The only Superman that matter is this one:

Supa-man dat ho'!!!!

~Brown Guy

ps. I got nothin'

Superman...

2008-02-18T13:51:00.003-05:00

I've always liked Dwight Howard. But now I officially love the shit out of him. The dunk competition on Saturday night was one of the best I have seen in probably almost 20 years. It reminded me of watching Spud Webb go up against The Human Highlight Reel back in the day. How can one man jump so high. He might be the most athletic person I have ever seen in my life. I mean, he threw the ball in the basket. That's how high he was. He threw it down into the hoop.

In case you missed it...

My second favorite dunk of the night was Gerald Green's "Birthday Cake" dunk. It lost a lot of attention after DH swooped in and broke the mold, but it was an amazing dunk:

In my prime I could dunk a soccer ball. Not so sure anymore. Stop being so ridiculous people. WTF.

-Swami

G-Chat: Xbox 360 and Puppies

2008-02-13T16:55:00.003-05:00

Brown Guy: Luke just got an Xbox 360

I think I have to get one

Actually, I'm almost 100 percent sure that I have to get one

DLP: hahaha

if you buy an xbox you have to buy me a puppy

Brown Guy: you don't understand

i''m getting one

possibly this weekend

on credit

'cuz i don't have real money

DLP: there better be a baby labradoor attached to it

Brown Guy: i mean, if you can take care of it and make sure it doesn't destroy my xbox or any of my sexy clothes, you can have your phukking puppy

DLP: hahaha

Brown Guy: i don't care

DLP: you are funny

Xbox is for puppies. And Wu-Tang is for the children.

Peace,

~Brown Guy

I Vote Therefore I Am

2008-02-12T23:41:00.001-05:00

So today I Baracked the vote and Baracked it hard. I had to deal with all manner of obstacles to
securing my vote, but I got it done.

Numerous things stood in my way: from the 122 year olds working the precincts, to the 123 year old geriatric voters, completely perplexed by modern-day voting equipment and the audible English language. (I know, I'm making fun of old people and it's not cool...I'm going to Hell, etc.) I literally braved the rain, sleet and snow (and sea of old people) to make my electoral voice heard.

The actual voting experience was a letdown. I just pushed a button and my vote was made. I felt like I deserved a happy meal or a free t-shirt for my troubles, but I walked out with nothing but a sorry sticker and a bunch of time spent that I desperately want back. But the highlight of my experience was definitely getting the chance to hop in front of a camera after I voted for an impromptu TV interview. It went down something like this:

Reporter: Excuse me, young man. Can I interview you?

Brown Guy: Sure.

Reporter: If it's okay, I'd just like to ask you a few questions.

Brown Guy: Of course (as I put Chapstick on my dry-ass lips and get ready to drop some serious knowledge on this poor woman).

For the next two minutes, I proceeded to give this woman a modern civics lesson, factoring in the influence of new-media and grassroots organizing tactics, the picture of the electoral map and the clear transformational mandate that the next president will have to implement sweeping change.

I was feeling pretty good about myself and was extremely confident that I came off as not only knowledgeable, but also hot and sexy. "Can't wait to see myself on the 10 o'clock news," I thought. Then I asked the reporter "what channel are you with?" She replied, "oh, we are Russian TV."

Russian TV.

Russian TV?!!

WTF?!!

I can't win. Now my black a$$ is going to be plastered all over Moscow and my words will undoubtedly be translated into some stereotypical bullsh*t like "Hi. I'm black. I voted, but I also play lots of basketball and think R-Kelly is a genius."

For the love of Perestroika.

I'm out,

~ Brown Guy

Just had to break away from the Obama freight train . . .

2008-02-12T23:06:00.003-05:00

From ESPN:

For the second succesive year, Dwight Howard's proposal to have the rim raised to 12 feet during the annual dunk contest at All-Star Weekend in New Orleans has been rejected by the NBA.

The league office confirmed to ESPN.com on Tuesday that the Orlando Magic's All-Star center has again formally requested to have the rim hiked from the regulation 10 feet to 12 feet for at least one of his dunks, as Howard continues to seek ways to prove that his leaping ability is no less impressive that the hops possessed by shorter rivals.

Yet as with last February in Las Vegas -- when Howard was planning to wow judges with a 360 dunk at 12 feet and an attempt at 11½ feet which called for him to shift the ball between his legs in mid-air -- league officials balked.

They've ruled that changing the height of the rim, while easily done mid-contest with the help of hydraulics, clashes with their intent to apply as many standard NBA rules to All-Star Weekend contests as possible.

This is just stupid. The NBA is concerned about "applying as many standard NBA rules to All-Star Weekend contests as possible?" I mean WTF? Honestly there aren't too many unique ways to dunk a basketball that haven't already been done. If I wanted standard NBA rules I would just swing by the Verizon Center and watch the Wizards. In fact I wouldn't mind seeing the NBA raise the rims to 11 feet for regular season games. At least when a player dunked it might mean something. . .

~Viggy

What's hot in the streets right now...

2008-02-12T17:52:00.002-05:00

I can't take credit for finding this, but I had to put this up asap. Yeah, it's just a song, but the song is hot, well articulated, and insightful. Besides the fact that it makes me wanna dance, the message is on point. "We need a new champion, so get on the campaign"

VOTE FOR BARACK

By the way since this dude was so on point in putting this together I figure the least we can do is put up the name from his myspace page: DLabrie

Yes, I Can...

2008-02-11T23:40:00.000-05:00

Did anyone else watch Obama's victory speech the other night? After he won on Saturday? I loved it but seriously, it sounded like he watched the Will.i.am video a little too much. Like he also has it on heavy rotation in his iPod. Not that there's anything wrong with that. But for real, you could tell he wanted someone to remix that shit immediately. Honestly though, I can't wait til my boy R Kelly makes that remix...

"Ya'll know what time it is...Usually I don't do this but, uh, go ahead and break em off a little piece of Obama.
It's the freakin Primaries, I'm like so what I'm drunk..."

Or something more awesome. Hopefully T-Pain will also get in on it. And maybe Chris Brown. And T.I.

He definitely just peed on her...

Damn I just made like the ultimate greatest remix of all time in my head. I wish it was real. Seriously.

-Swami

will.i.am Obama Song on MP3...

2008-02-10T16:30:00.000-05:00

...found it suckas (right here). You best believe that this is in heavy rotation on my iPod and blaring out of my speakers.

To my Potomac area peeps, please go vote on Tuesday! I don't so much care who you vote for as much as I care that you participate in the process.

~Brown Guy

ps. Yes We Can.

Heavy Breathers

2008-02-08T16:45:00.000-05:00

You know what I hate. Heavy breathing. And everything that goes with it. Yesterday I was trying to sit in class and space out in peace when this morbidly obese girl decided to sit behind me. Usually she sits on the opposite side of the room so I'm not bothered by it, but yesterday she thought she'd ruin my day by sitting in my comfort zone. Apparently sitting down is so stressful for her that she needs to breathe like she just climbed 10 flights of stairs. There was no stopping it. It was obscene, uncontrollable heaving. Like really gross wheezing. I thought I was gonna throw up. At one point during a quiz it was extra quiet and she was breathing so loud I couldn't concentrate. Then for a couple seconds it stopped, pure silence, followed by a huge gasp for air. Like her heart stopped. I almost lost it. WTF.

Seriously. WTF. If you are so fat that you can't even sit down for two hours without gasping for air then you need help. Like, you're gonna die. Take the f-ing stairs bitch. And don't ever sit next to me again. I mean WTF. I understand you're obese, but take the extra step to not die in front of me. Later in class we had to do this lab and then hand it in so I waited until she finished and turned around and told her I would take hers and hand it in for her. I didn't want to deal with her stealing all my oxygen after she spent all the energy getting up and moving. If she ever sits by me again I'm gonna move. Across the room. And sit next to the girl who looks like Vanessa Carlton. Like exactly like her. Which makes me wonder why I don't see by her in the first place...

Stay alive people. Honestly.

-Swami

God, Chris Webber looked really old

2008-02-08T15:51:00.000-05:00

The picture above of Webber jogging through the pre-game introductions was the fastest he ran all night.

~Viggy

Shaq keeps it hot

2008-02-07T10:24:00.000-05:00

Orlando, Los Angeles, Miami, and now Phoenix. I must admit considering 70% of the NBA teams reside in cold weather climates it's fairly amazing a player who has been on four different teams in his career has managed to stay in the south. As far as the trade is concerned I actually like this for both teams although I think it will work out better for Phoenix in the short term.

Why Phoenix made the trade:

1. Amare Stoudemire and Steve Nash didn’t get along with Shawn Marion and it was screwing up the team chemistry.
2. If Phoenix didn’t make the trade Shaq was going to end up in Dallas.
3. If it doesn’t work out Shaq’s huge contract will come off the books in two years same as Steve Nash and Phoenix can start over building around Stoudemire.
4. Shaq will give them the big, physical presence they sorely lack on both ends of the floor.

Why Miami made the trade:

1. Shaq has a huge contract and the team needs to start rebuilding around Dwayne Wade.
2. Shawn Marion can opt out of his contract after this year helping to get Miami under the cap. If not he's only under contract for one more season.
3. So yeah, Miami was basically in it for the money.

I understand that Shaq is old, injured and slow, but I believe Nash's ability to get him easy baskets and the chance for Stoudemire to move to power forward will greatly benefit this team. They have players that can begin to replicate what Marion provided in Grant Hill and Boris Diaw while Shaq can help improve the defense and rebounding in the paint. For those concerned about the Suns running you have to remember it doesn't take five players sprinting up the court to run a fast break. They will miss Marion's perimeter defense, but again having Shaq around will rim will help. Finally getting rid of a player that the other players couldn't stand to bring in a guy like Shaq who has an outstanding locker room presence might be the biggest benefit of all.

Miami can now move into their "rebuilding" phase. They should end up with a top five pick this summer and plenty of cap room in 2009. Maybe Wade can convince Chris Bosh or his boy LeBron James to ditch the cold weather of the north and move to Miami. A team of Derrick Rose, Wade and Bosh/or LeBron could be fairly ridiculous.

~Viggy

PS- I'm still convinced LeBron, Carmelo, Wade and Bosh should sign small contracts and play together when their current deals are up.

Halo 3

2008-02-06T17:50:00.000-05:00

So I finally picked up Halo 3 this past weekend since BestBuy decided to put it on sale. After playing for the first time on Tuesday a future doctor who shall remain nameless, but whose initials are AL, convinced myself and a co-worker to call out from work to play all day. (Honestly it didn't take much convincing on his part) Bottom line, it was a blast to not have to worry about work for a day . . . it felt like college again. For those of you who are interested, I tried playing online with "Mike Eats Tacos" and . . . not so dramatic pause . . . I suck. Stupid fourth graders.

~Viggy

I'm going to write something about the Shaq trade tomorrow.

Mitt Romney Is A Stupid B*tch

2008-02-05T22:33:00.000-05:00

Mitt Romney needs to drop out. The last I checked, he hasn't won sh*t 'cept possibly the Virgin Islands and Hamtramck. Also, if I was a conservative (which contrary to popular belief, I am not), I'd be so pissed about him positioning himself as the "true conservative" in this race. This man does not have a bone of authenticity in his body. Check this out:

This is just one of a bazillian issues that he has flip-flopped on more than John Kerry at a beach eating pancakes. I'm not a violent guy, but I wouldn't mind taking time out of my day to slap Mitt Romney to sleep.

~Brown Guy

PS. YES WE CAN.

Hear my plea

2008-02-04T13:56:00.001-05:00

I dont like MoveOn.org, but I really do like Barack Obama. I like that each time I type his name on my computer (which happens a lot when you work along side the campaign) his name has red lines under it because he is so unique, so different than anything this country has ever wanted to acknowledge Microsoft has yet to slide him into our electronic lexicon (change people - we need real change - not simply a newer Clinton).

Below is a link to a video. Its not the best video I've ever seen, but it quietly makes me wanna focus a little bit more on being a better dude. Enjoy:

Yes We Can

(hopefully it works as I am not fluid with internet links and what not. If not, you tube the barack obama music video "yes we can")

Why haven't we blogged since Wednesday?

2008-02-04T09:41:00.000-05:00

I just wanted to take a moment to call all of us out publically. Is anyone else glad the Super Bowl is done and maybe ESPN can find something else to cover? It went too far when Mike Ditka and Emmitt Smith began debating which team had a more attractive long snapper.

~Viggy

A Starting 5...

2008-01-30T21:20:00.000-05:00

Sometimes the boys over here at Ibodera can feel a kindred spirit roaming the streets, silently hating things and having an unfulfilled desire of punching someone in the face. We like to give those people a voice. Call us the Lorax. Anyways, we have a new member of the team. You can check out his first post below.

So without further ado, we present to you, "Lighter than Muki, Darker than Kris." It's a very long name but it's pretty informative as to the pigmentation of his skin.

-Swami

I finally figured this out...

2008-01-30T16:34:00.000-05:00

This is a picture of someone in Chicago trying to live - just live. People should not have to live like this and pay taxes.

The Delivery Man

2008-01-30T09:26:00.000-05:00

As I declared to Joe on Monday, I don't read enough fiction novels to give an educated literary critique of his book. He just turned to me and said "Well, did you enjoy reading it? If you did that's all that really matters." I'll be honest, if it wasn't written by a friend of mine I never would've picked it up. I'm glad I did. Most of the events and characters in the book were so drastically different from anything that I've ever experienced that it really made me step back and think about the different lives that people live. I've spent a majority, if not all, of my life surrounded by people that have the same background as me education, family life, social class, career, etc. It is such a strange experience to read a book about characters that are so different. As I read the book I kept thinking that it must be crazy to wake up everyday and have no idea where the day is going to take you. No job to rush off to, no place in particular to be, in fact little to no responsibility at all. I can honestly say I've never had anything close to that experience, except maybe during the summers when I used to be in high school, but I lived with my parents so it isn't even close to being the same. In fact responsibility was instilled in me at such a young age I'm pretty sure I was worrying about saving money to pay for college and my 401K when I was in high school.

Anyhow enough about me for now, I enjoyed the book and I would recommend that you pick up a copy or borrow it from me (I know how some of you are about actually paying for things) Here are some links about what real literary critics had to say about the book.

The New York Times

Washington City Paper

For more check out the book website, which contains other reviews I was too lazy to provide a direct link to. If you are in the DC area Joe will be doing a reading this Thursday, January 31, at 7:00 pm at Politics and Prose. It'll be a great opportunity to stop by and meet the author.

~Viggy

G-Chat: What's Really Real

2008-01-29T00:16:00.000-05:00

I know we're taking this G-Chat sh*t slightly too far. But whatever. I'm taking it even farther and if you don't like it, you can kiss my grits. I'm setting aside some time for Kwame "I like titties" Kilpatrick, so be on the look out for that in the near future. In the meantime, here's a G-Chat from my Domestic Life Partner (DLP) and I to hold folks over:

10:36 AM Brown Guy: Today=Ricockulous

totally ridiculous in every way

meetings

PPts

two press conferences

it's not even noon

10:37 AM DLP: well i had a lady stick a metal thing up my crotch and then swipe a cotton swap inside me and then she used some jelly to stick her hand in me

i think i win

10:39 AM Brown Guy: Queen takes Rook.

checkmate

Gross.

~Brown Guy

G(ossip)-Chat

2008-01-28T12:43:00.000-05:00

I say that from now on all G-chat entries must have Brown guy as one half of the chatter. Recently while trying to persuade Brown Guy to watch Gossip Girl (it's now on an all new night (tonight) and it rules) he tried to shatter my hopes and dreams...

Me: Damn!! Dan told S he loves her and all she said back was 'okay'. Then Chuck told B she sucks and no one wants to be her friend. Now B is gonna go to France to escape her problems. What else could happen?
Brown Guy: you're out of control. you need to find control. and then get back in it
Me: Whatever. you need to drink some sparks. just lose it. go full tilt and watch some gossip girl.
Brown Guy: i'm going to stand by with a camera when you turn 28 and i'm going to watch as life neuters you and then i'm going to make you watch the video of it. "just lose it" only happens on new years. everything else is bills and hustling
Me: when i turn 28, I'm going to neuter life. and then pour some hot sparks on it.
Brown Guy: hahaha. that's hilarious. life will take your hops. and then your balls. no dunking. and no "just lose it."
Me: life sucks. i only lose it a few times a year. remember being 21-23? that was losing it 5 days a week for no good reason. getting wrecked because it was half off on wed? wtf? I can't even go to the bar on wed anymore
Brown Guy: yeah. it's terrible. i just want to wild out. but i really can't. or i'm screwed at work. or in life.

The moral of the story is don't grow up. Move to Neverland (the place not the ranch) and drink Sparks.

Or as my boy R Kelly would say, "Now the moral of story is cuff yo bitch. I'm black, handsome, I sing, cause im rich - and I'ma flirt."

-Swami

Um Rambo XVII Anyone?

2008-01-25T14:52:00.000-05:00

I would guess Swami Says and Brown Guy will have much more to say about this. Until then take a bite of this.

Stallone says he was surprised that the Motion Picture Association of America gave the film an R rating: "When babies are being bayonetted and people are being flamed, I thought this will never go." But he told the ratings board, "I said guys, this is happening today -- and if we're ever going to do something that responds, where art has the ability to influence people's awareness and impact the lives of these people, don't dilute it, don't water it down. . . . Don't cut away too soon. Let it sink it. I want people to feel it. To their credit, they allowed this film to be as truthful as it could."

I never really made it past "babies . . . being bayonnetted"

~Viggy

I know, I know

2008-01-25T08:48:00.001-05:00

I promised I would post on Thursdays, but post # 2 into my endeavor and I've already failed. All I can say is, exams are no joke. Until I post for real, here are some fun thoughts...

The mayor committed perjury, and has cost this city nine million dollars thus far! Hooray! Everyone knows that the solution to the D's (official new nickname as voted on by City Council) money woes is donating what little money the taxpayers give to benevolent and scrupulous lawyers! Seriously thought, KK has got to go. I wonder how he'll get out of perjury. Also, as everyone should know by now, if you wrote it in an email or text, someone will find it. Hell, even if it was written with rocks on an island a satellite would probably snap a picture of it. If you are the mayor, are under oath and have both sent and received salacious sex text messages - don't lie about it.

Federer lost! Thank goodness. I know, I know - he may be the best ever. But his barely rivaled (save for Nadal at the French) march into the history books is upsetting, especially for an unabashed Sampras admirer. I appreciate Federer's game as much as any tennis fan - it's beautiful and almost always in "LeBron James video game mode." But hearing him talk post match about how beautiful and amazing his game is grates the nerves. I suppose what bothers me the most is that people try to pass him of as "so humble." Please, he's the Apocalypse of arrogant. That being said, he may be the greatest ever in the game, so he's earned that right. Just don't pass it off as being humble.

Yes!
My thesis is relevant! Still, I wouldn't worry about mercury in fish too much unless I was currently with child, planning (in the next year or so) to be, or a child younger than five. The guidelines for safe exposure for metals such as mercury and lead are set so that the most susceptible groups will be safe, i.e. we usually err on the side of caution. Still, the amounts of mercury they are talking about in the article are really high and I would not want anyone with developing nervous systems anywhere near the tuna it's contained in.

Finally...
Holy sh@t. I can't express how wrong this is.

On second thought, I think this counts as my post.

Other guy.

G-Chat Part 17 Million...

2008-01-24T19:59:00.000-05:00

I'm not too big on the whole G-Chat thing. Mostly because I just started using it recently and also because I don't have a job so I don't need it to keep my occupied while I'm getting paid. But recently Brown Guy and I noticed how if you signed up to help support Obama on his website, they ask you for money. Like every day. As if getting letters from high school and college weren't enough...

BrownGuy: Michelle Obama needs to stop asking my broke-a$$ for money fa' real, son
Me: hahaha. i know right. every day. "Swami, guess what? We had a record 100,00 people donate in just 7 days. Let's make it 125,000." shut the fuck up michelle. i don't have any money. stop asking me.
Brown Guy: lol exactly
Me: if so many people are donating, why not just say thank you for your support. why is it every day she is tryin to blow up my spot. the worst is when barack does it because then i feel bad. he's like "Swami, we're making a real change in the world. Anything you can give would be amazing!" And I'm like damn Barack, why you gotta tell me personally. It's so much harder saying no to you than to your annoying wife.
BrownGuy: hahahaha. This is true. Saying no to Barack himself is real tough. It's like scolding a concept.
Dear "inspiration," please stop bothering me about money, but please keep inspiring me. it just doesn't work
Me: hahahahaha. it's a catch 22. it's also bull shit. they should do a background check before they ask me for money. then they would see it's a waste of time
BrownGuy: i do know this, whenever i finally do get some money and donate, i'm going to leave a really snarky testimonial
like "here's a little bit of cash. btw, i pooped my pants thinking about how sweet it would be if you were president. now please leave me alone." --Brown Guy
Me: "PS - Please tell your wife to stop shakin me down. She's worse than the mob."
BrownGuy: seriously

-Swami

The Metro

2008-01-23T09:45:00.001-05:00

I hate the new metro cars. People have no idea where to stand because of the new layout. It's great it the cars are half full, but during rush hour when people pack onto the train the new "handle placements" aren't at all helpful. Metro doesn't seem to understand the majority of people in DC are morons with a "fuck you" mentality. Everyone thinks they are more important than everyone else and for some reason every person that rides the metro is on their way to save their family from a burning building. How else can you explain why people would throw themselves at a closing Orange line door with people already falling out of the doors onto the platform when another Orange line train is two minutes away? See that new bar right next to the door in the picture? There used to be poles that went from the floor to the ceiling near the doors. Why is this important you ask? Well because short and mostly fat lazy people who can't balance needed them to ride the train. (Now I understand that some of our readers are short, it happens, it can't be helped. I also know these readers are not fat and lazy and therefore take up minimal space on a train, so I'm not worried about you) Now that the poles are gone the fat lazy short people only have the bar RIGHT NEXT TO THE DOOR to hold on to if the train is crowded. On the newly designed train this exponentially increases the number of fat people clogging the door when I try to get on the train. The story behind this rant stems from today's morning commute when I tried to get on a moderately crowded train and had to force my way through two fat ugly chicks and a one fat man who wouldn't move away from the door and smelled like McDonald's and funk. Come on Metro there has to be some way to solve this.

~Viggy

Money Is Soooo Last Year

2008-01-22T23:35:00.000-05:00

So the Dow finished under 12,000 pts today. That's it folks. My goose is cooked. Because I've chosen to invest my money in stuff like designer drugs, oil refineries, commercial banks, media conglomerates and other things that generally make individual peoples' lives very difficult, I feel that the powers that be are now punishing me for my actions. And I doubt I'm alone. Let's face it, people; our economy is screwed. I was just reading something the other day about how you could buy a house in Sterling Heights, Michigan for a bushel of cotton and some pizza-flavored Combos.

The bottom line is that I've just decided that I'm liquidating all of my assets, purchasing a chain gun, and a lifetime supply of bottled water and Ramen Noodles.

~Brown Guy

Assing-Out...

2008-01-22T18:01:00.000-05:00

To those who don't know the term, 'assing-out' is used to refer to those individuals who fall asleep when they should not. Often it is a friend (or Other Guy) at the bar or while drinking. Assing-out leads to ridicule and often drawing on faces. There are many types of assing-out but few as hilarious as the public-ass-out. Can you imagine a funnier picture than the recollection of a friend slumped over at the bar asleep, or passed out on the couch during a party? These are the regular images that come to my mind when I picture it. But now there is a new hero for those tired few...

-Swami

Quick Gmail Chat

2008-01-22T15:27:00.000-05:00

Blogging for one straight week is tough. I'll be back strong tomorrow. Until then here's another quick Gmail Chat.

Me: I told Muki to try to talk to him . . . but it's muki
Brown Guy: it is indeed muki
or possibly "mookie"
Me: m'ewe'kie
Brown Guy: lol

Seriously though, I do talk to people other than Brown Guy via Gmail Chat it's just not always that funny.

~Viggy

Are You Not Entertained....

2008-01-21T23:59:00.000-05:00

Lame post but it's my day. If you haven't been watching, you need to.

-Swami

ps - mondays at 8. do it. also. go see some movies. there will be blood.

23

2008-01-18T13:27:00.000-05:00

I know most of you don't care about basketball or even basketball shoes, but you all can understand how the release of the Jordan XX3 is going to be a huge deal. For those of you who hate Nike as well as their overpriced shoes at least I can say they are working on "going green."

• AIR JORDAN XX3 is the first basketball shoe in Nike's history to be designed according to Nike Considered ethos.
• The design of the AIR JORDAN XX3 minimizes waste and use of solvent based cements.
• Outsole uses environmentally preferred rubber that reduces toxics and incorporates Nike Grind material from footwear outsole manufacturing waste.
• The construction of the shoe emphasizes the use of environmentally preferred materials.

This is one of the hottest Jordan designs we've seen so far.

I'll drop more information on these when the release date gets closer.

Tigers Rule...

2008-01-18T12:35:00.000-05:00

Not to say that it wasn't a bad thing that those kids got mauled to death by that Tiger, but they kind of deserved it. It was confirmed that they were indeed taunting the tiger. One of the kids was standing on top of the fence waving and yelling at it. WTF? Why on earth would you taunt a tiger. Is there anyone in the world who doesn't know that a tiger will eat you. There should be a rule that if you wouldn't do something to an animal in the wild, you shouldn't do it when the animal is in a cage and angry.

I mean look at this thing. Why would you taunt it.

What the hell is wrong with people. Didn't they learn anything ever?

-Swami

Hodge Podge

2008-01-18T01:13:00.000-05:00

Some scary stuff is out there...

Doctors have been over-prescribing antibiotics at the behest of a drug crazed nation for a while now, and more and more drug resistant bacterial strains are coming of it. MRSA USA300 sounds pretty scary and is already immune to an array of antibiotics. Any disease that can manifest itself as necrotizing fassciitis is not to be messed with. This particular "superbug" is thought to have evolved in the hospital setting but a particularly virulent strain seems to be spreading among certain gay populations in San Francisco, L.A. and Boston.

What is strange to me is why this disease, as HIV did some years back manifests itself in gay populations first. When the first disease occurrences started happening in the general public, how did the disease wind up in the one subset of the population? From a hepatitis epidemic in the 1970's, the HIV, and now this - why is this population the first to be hit? I can imagine fairly clearly how the disease spreads since unprotected anal sex is a risky endeavor, but I can't reason why the disease would start in a certain population. Certainly, there are heterosexual men and women who live in the same area and frequent the same places, and yet there is no mention of them in the news. This also begs the question, are gay men as promiscuous as stereotype would have it? It's my belief that women are usually the rate limiting step in the process of having sex (i.e. -it's basically up to them, most men are game anytime), so if two men are attracted to each other, is casual sex more likely? This guy says that gay men are more promiscuous than lesbian women. (Unfortunately, when I'm trying to look up papers and statistics, I end up with stuff like this, which is when I stop looking), but I couldn't find anything about gay vs. lesbian vs. heterosexual (I'm sure it's out there, I didn't look too hard tho). Whether or not that is true, the fact that people forget how crucial protection is, and think of HIV and other STD's as a disease of yesteryear is pretty alarming.

With regards to the antibiotic resistant bacterial strains cropping up, many also believe that the hormones and antibiotics we force feed our livestock adds to the problem. Indeed, an incredible amount of antibiotics ingested in this country are done so all those animals we love to eat. All this got me interested in reading the first book by the green movements author de jour, Michael Pollan - The Omnivoire's Dilemma. In 8 years when I finish it, I'm sure it will be eye opening. I did read an interview of him in which he pointed out that no country is as obsessed with nutritional facts as we are, and yet, no country is fat. I had never thought about the obesity problem in that light. Yes, there is a genetic component, and it's probably very substantial. But most of the genes in this country are shared by people with similar alleles around the world; and the world does not have obesity like we do. We are off track for the Healthy People 2010 goal for obesity, and if North Dakota is any indication, we are only making negative progress.

What's the point of all this? I don't really have one. I would tell people to burn some calories making the sweet romance - but these articles make sex seem pretty scary regardless of sexual preference. I suppose I'll just wait until Wii-sex comes out. 'Course, there is still the danger of ejaculating your controller into the screen, so make sure you strap up before you play that as well.

-Other guy

I'm not Jay Bilas, but . . .

2008-01-17T14:23:00.000-05:00

why does "our" basketball team have to suck so much??? We've sucked** since the mid-nineties. At what point can I adopt another college basketball team as my own? I've stuck with them through Brian Ellerbe, "Peanut" aka Reed Baker, Avery Queen, Gavin Groninger, Maize Rage, Tommy "Turtleneck" Amaker, a loss to Harvard, Josh Asselin, "Soft Serve" aka Courtney Simms, and Dommanic Ingerson. The worst would have to be the year we lost to Duke at Cameron Stadium. (Yeah I know, we lose every time we play there) Let me help to jog your memory, it was the year that the Duke fans actually cheered for us the first time we scored. At that point the score was 36 to 2 in favor of Duke.

The image above pretty much sums it up. Are the marketing people at Michigan so desperate this is the only thing they can come up with? It's like winning the "Shit Scooper of the Year" award. It doesn't matter how much you try to dress it up, you're still getting an award for shoveling other people's shit.

The worst thing of all is that every year they get my hopes up only to dash them by losing nine of their last twelve games to miss the NCAA Tourney and end up in the NIT. I'll give it one more year. If it doesn't work I'm going to take an online one credit correspondence course at Kansas, UCLA, or North Carolina. I just can't take much more . . .

~Viggy

**I really wish I could think of a word better then "sucked." I don't even think that begins to describe how terrible we've been.

Vistabula the Chicago Story

2008-01-16T14:48:00.000-05:00

(A Continuation of NBA News)

Our team of beat reporters and bloggers attended last nights Cook County Recreational C League Game between the Deerpark Water Playaz and the Jordan 2K7's. The Playaz came away with a 72-56 victory in which Ramana Vistabula's replacement Chaoom Armstrong (league rookie) dominated the defensive paint. Armstrong shattered the league records for blocks in a game with 4 and also drew three charges.

"So much more graceful and mobile then Vistabula," gushed Harry Jefferson of the Cook County Recreational Services.

"He (Armstrong) was everywhere on the court, it's really tough to get shots up over him," said Casey Kimm of the 2K7's.

"An enforcer," said Tighe Moon of the 2K7's.

What follows are excepts taken from an extensive interview with Edward Purnell coach/general manager/owner/player/team doctor/ballboy/cheerleader of the Deerpark Water Playaz.

"It was tough to let Vistabula go, but the $22.56 was enough to help put us under the Gatorade cap number for next season. That gives us more flexibility in the long run and hopefully we'll be able to bring in some flavors to supplement our current supply of Gatorade Fierce Grape."

On the teams newest addition Chaoom Armstrong.

"Armstrong was unbelievable tonight. I've never seen anyone control the defensive paint like that. The idea to bring Armstrong on came to me at work today after I realized we would struggle to replace Vistabula's defense. I was watching the Better Basketball video series and they were working on a shooting drill using a broom to encourage the players to shoot the ball with more arc. The coach would run at the shooter with the broom and the player would be forced to put the shot up higher to avoid being blocked. So after lunch I taped a broom to an extra folding chair we had and Chaoom Armstong was born."

On the name.

"Armstrong happened to be the name brand of the broom. . . "

Our team gathered some additional quotes and stories from Purnell and other players on both teams, so look for an overall update from Chicago in the coming days. We'll hopefully be joining you from L.A. soon to give you an update on Vistabula's progress.

~ The Scoop

Annapolis, the day trip

2008-01-15T20:04:00.000-05:00

A quick recap of our Saturday day trip to Annapolis. Amazingly despite the large amounts of midshipmen walking around no "seamen" jokes were dropped during our trip.

Annapolis can be a confusing place.

The water was warm and tempting

We witnessed where "laws" are created.

The stifling heat of 38 degrees enticed the group (minus Viggy) to get ice cream. I blame the doctor of the group.

Who Is The Real R-Kelly of Basketball?

2008-01-15T16:26:00.001-05:00

Hmm. I do wonder.

Folks, one of my good friends/co-bloggers "Swami-Says" or "Viggy" will go down in history as the R-Kelly of basketball. Right now, it's a toss-up and it's up to you to decide which one of them fits the bill. But let's review the facts, shall we? On one hand,

Swami-Says penned a song called "You Remind Me (of Rasheed)" that he sings to girls on karaoke night. And in case you were wondering, this goes over extremely well with the ladies. The lyrics go like this:

You remind me of something I just can't think of what it is

[1] - You remind me of Rasheed, You cry like a baby,
You know I like that sound, I wanna give you a tissue,
Girl you look just like my gym floor, I wanna wax it
And something like my technical foul
I wanna get fined for $10,000, baby

Swami-Says's also eats, sleeps and sharts basketball and yells out "LET IT RAIN" when the weather turns funky. (copyright Phillip Seymour Hoffman in Along Came Polly)
Swami-Says implores a traveling mural/alter, as well as dedicated apartment space to "The Bad Boys" and their short shorts-wearing team.

On the other hand,

Viggy has a propensity to continuously declare that he is "tired of playing" or does "not feeling like playing" and then forgoes all else to play pickup basketball 8 out of 7 days a week come hell or high water. He once explained to me the failure of his words and actions to congeal by saying, and I quote, "Kris, my minds telling me no-000. But my body. My booooody's tellin' me yea-eah!!"
Viggy also has the penchant for soliciting support for books, utilizing the undeniable logic that says 'if the author has a wicked jump shot, his or her book must be good.' I simply can't argue with that.

Now it's up to you readers to decide. Sound off on our message board and let me know who the real sultan of basketball love truly is.

~Brown Guy

PS. I realize that it's "on" now. Sux.

PPS. One of the funniest lines ever put to screen is that old woman on the Chappelle Show who uttered, "that's my Robert. Always peeing on people." Indeed.

Strange Wilderness

2008-01-14T19:24:00.000-05:00

So the trailer for this new film, "Strange Wilderness," is out and I didn't think much of it until the last 30 seconds (with the shark) when I seriously lost it...

...If you're eating ice cream, or anything else with the potential to create a huge mess, swallow or spit it out before viewing.

Lord.

~Brown Guy

The greatest organization???

2008-01-14T11:05:00.000-05:00

"Also, the Pistons are the greatest organization in the history of sport."

-Swami

An excerpt from the Associated Press this morning.

Pistons narrowly miss lowest point total in team history

DET (28-10) 65
NYK (10-26) 89 Final
7:00 PM ET, January 13, 2008
Madison Square Garden

NEW YORK (AP) -- It was so ugly, Chauncey Billups had to do some heavy scrubbing to put it behind him.

"I just got off the shower, washed it off," Billups said. "I washed it right off on that shower. Got to forget about that one. That was bad."

At least when one of their worst nights ever was over, the Detroit Pistons finally could go home.

Detroit needed a three-point play by Amir Johnson with 13 seconds left to avoid finishing with the lowest point total in franchise history. The Pistons shot 30.7 percent (23-of-75), matching the NBA low for field goals made in a game this season.

With the Pistons playing the finale of a four-game, five-night road trip and coming off a 103-100 overtime victory in Charlotte on Saturday, the Knicks rolled to their most lopsided victory of the season, giving coach Isiah Thomas a rare easy night -- against his former team, no less.

"We knew they would be pretty tired and we tried to play with as much energy as we possibly could and I think we caught them on a good night," said Thomas, who led the Pistons to two NBA titles. "They were a little flat and we played a good basketball game."

I'm not saying the Pistons aren't a good team and probably the eventual 2008 Eastern Conference champion, but only scoring 65 against the Knicks is unacceptable.

NFL Playoffs

2008-01-13T11:16:00.000-05:00

This is what I envision when I think of the NFL playoffs.

This needs to happen every year. Either the Packers need to make the playoffs every year or the NFL needs to simply start scheduling at least one playoff game at Lambeau Field. I'm tired of domes, the weather makes everything more interesting.

Are Those Your Clothes?

2008-01-13T00:23:00.000-05:00

Just to give Viggy a break I thought I would post this hilarious video. Paul Rudd blows my shit away. He's one funny dude.

Also, the Pistons are the greatest organization in the history of sport.

-Swami

More Gmail Chat . . .

2008-01-12T08:29:00.000-05:00

Me: We need to go to Guarapo sometime, the menu looks delicious
Brown Guy: You mean I can eat skewers and then smoke hookah?
this is simply too good to be true
Me:I've never been there for dinner just drinks
they have Lomo Saltado and according to the menu
Salted Strip of Lion?????
Brown Guy: Um
Me: Lion?
Brown Guy: For real?
Me: I dunno, that's what it says
Brown Guy: That seems illegal
(and i want some)
(...bad)
Me: Maybe its slang for something else?
The menu says it's $15 and it comes with fries
Brown Guy: It's probably a pork chop
if that's not actual lion, I'm going to be angry
dude, we're going there
and if we can't eat lion, I'm flipping the table and running out
Me: Haha
they also have salmon
Brown Guy: No
http://www.bigfivesafaris.co.za/images/Male_lion.jpg
dinner
dude
can you image how you'll feel after eating the king of the jungle?
I can't wait
Me: Yeah I googled every combination of "eating" and "lion" I could think of there is no mention of anything related
they must have misspelled "loin"
Brown Guy: Well now it's on my brain and I won't stop until it happens

Gmail Chat . . .

2008-01-11T10:43:00.000-05:00

I am regularly part of many hilarious Gmail chats with Brown Guy (and others) so I thought I would start sharing some of my favorites every week or so. (The chat below happened shortly after the Mitchell Report was released.)

Me: So everyone in baseball does steroids . . . it doesn't bother me at all
Brown Guy: Me neither
frankly, I wish they did more
there would be more homeruns
that's all I care about
more homeruns
Me: Exactly, no one likes to watch "solid base hits"
Brown Guy: I'd like to watch someone hit a 700 foot homerun
I don't care if they're hopped up on Sparks and Andro
Me: You want to watch someone throw at 110 mph
Brown Guy: Yep
all that stuff
a 56 inch vertical leaper playing center field
Me: Baseball should just embrace it
Brown Guy: I think so, otherwise the sport is unbearable to watch
Me: Yeah, I feel like it's a bunch of old people who actually care
Brown Guy: "The good old days"
Me: I'm not sure anyone under 20 watches baseball
unless they are taken by old people
or need something to do while drinking during the summer
Brown Guy: Yep, baseball is terrible

Blog Resurrection

2008-01-10T12:58:00.000-05:00

So our six readers have probably been wondering where we've been and why Swami has been the only one posting. I would love to tell you a tale of heroics and life altering events that have kept us from devoting time to our readers. In fact we are simply lazy. No more! We solemnly vow to update on a regular (possibly even daily) basis and keep you interested, entertained, satisfied, and possibly even skinnier. Well maybe not skinnier, but hey at least we can advise you that the salad is a better choice then the Sparks and Cheetos.

Sincerely,

The Ibodera Blog

Embarrassingly Hilarious...

2008-01-05T16:30:00.000-05:00

Me, Brown Guy and Other Guy doing things on Sparks we shouldn't be doing...

-Swami

ps - forgive us

Put Some Clothes On....

2007-12-28T12:01:00.000-05:00

Recently, Other Guy and I have been going to the gym in our hometown and I guess we missed the memo that said "You must be naked and disgusting to enter the locker room." It's not like funny naked though. It's actually disgusting. First of all, I don't understand the allure of walking around naked in a room full of other guys. I could understand maybe if everyone was gay, but they're not. Not only that, I went to a gay gym last year. It wasn't called 'Gay Gym' (it was actually a Bally's) but it was 2 blocks from my apartment in Chelsea and it was mostly gay guys who went there. They weren't naked all the time. In fact, I don't think I ever saw one naked guy the entire time I was there. Granted they wore fishnet cut off shirts when they worked out, but they weren't naked.

I guess what makes me so mad is the way that they are naked. It isn't like just for a second before they put on clothes at their locker. It's the entire time they are in there. They get out of the shower and then walk around naked. This one guy blow drys his balls in front of the huge mirror which happens to be right in the entrance to the locker room. I saw another guy walk over to the urinal area completely naked. He wasn't even wearing flip-flops. I almost threw up when I saw that. People are really working hard to ruin my life over there.

I get it. You're naked. Cool. Go home and do it. I don't wanna see that. There's a reason I don't like looking at fat ugly naked white dudes, it's because you're disgusting. Don't talk to me when you're naked. Every time I go in there it's like f-ing Calendar Girls only instead of old naked white chicks it old naked fat pasty white dudes. Enough.

Seriously? I'm begging you. Put some clothes on.

-Swami

This is pretty much the only locker room situation I'm down with...

Mr. Big Shot

2007-12-22T14:56:00.000-05:00

Good thing we have 4 people blogging here otherwise no one would ever post (he said sarcastically). There are a whole lot of intolerable people out lately. The Holidays have a tendency to bring out the crazies. But they also seem to be bringing out awesome basketball lately. Pistons v Celtics might have been the best regular season game I have seen in half a decade. It was amazing. Kobe's Lakers are legit without anyone really playing lights out which means they will hopefully get a chance to make it out of the first round this year. The Pistons are finally getting some respect back from people after beating them. Chauncey is so hot right now.

You know what needs to happen. Court side seats at basketball games need to be not so expensive. If they reserved like 5 of them for people to wait in line and by them at a reasonable price at the box office I can guarantee there would be at least a couple hundred people waiting in line every single game. I know I would. I just hate that 2 little 12 year old girls who clearly knows nothing about basketball and could care less about what's going on in the game than the chance that they might make it on the jumbotron get to sit there because their dad has season tickets and doesn't ever go to the game. Nothing could make me more mad than people wasting the best seats at any sporting event period.

Give me the ticket. I mean look at these seats...

I'm out man. Give me your tickets.

-Swami

It's Just a Game...

2007-12-12T13:44:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, Isiah Thomas had this to say about his job being in jeopardy and his woebegone Knicks...

"I fight 'til I die. It's not about giving up or quitting. To me, it's win or die. I literally mean death, I don't mean 'walk away.' I mean death. That's how I have coached. We've got a job to do here and we're going to get it done. I'm confident we have the right players and confident we have the right people, and we'll dig our way out of this."

Really? Death? Dude - relax. That's some next level shit. Have a seat and drink some water. It's basketball. I'd say he was just making a point but he goes out of his way to make sure we know death is the consequence if you lose. Now he never says who exactly is going to die which, to be honest, scares me a little. He's gonna kill somebody.

Calm down.

-Swami

G-Chat Part I: Curry don't leave me!!

2007-12-11T17:06:00.000-05:00

[Disclaimer: This post is stupid.]

Folks,

This is the first installment of numerous more installments, reflecting the ridiculous/drama-soaked conversations that myself and others have over Gmail.

Peep the complete and utter disbelief that I express at the thought of a world without delicious curry:

me: what do you mean there is no such thing as curry?!! frankly, if that's true, i'm going to burst into tears!
Sent at 4:51 PM on Tuesday

[Unnamed]: there is no such thing as curry [Brown Guy]. its a colonialist invention that has sullied the good name of indian cooking

me: oooh
what the hell is curry, though?

[Unnamed]: there's no such thing! the nytimes wrote about how there is no such thing
its made up.. nothing in indian cooking is called curry. no indian could tell you what curry is

me: then why do i have it in my kitchen and love it so much?

[Unnamed]: hahahahaha
hahaha

me: it's like garam masala, right?

like it's a bunch of stuff that's mixed together
[Unnamed]: you have garam masala in your ktichen!

me: tumeric
thyme
all that stuff
cardamom pods

[Unnamed]: yes... i would concede that curry at best is a mixture, an english name for masala
me: wow
that's a serious elvisification of spices
curry=elvis inventing rock n' roll

[Unnamed]: i'm finding that nytimes piece and sending it to you..i think it actually came out in 2004
'zactly

Look. A world without curry is a world that I don't want to live in. And if curry is elvis, then I ain't nothin' but a hound dog.

That's real.

~Brown Guy

Puerto Rico is for Pigs

2007-12-09T23:07:00.000-05:00

Sorry for the hiatus, but I've spent the last few days in Puerto Rico with my company. Any number of unspeakable things happened, including me losing my iPod (and you best believe that within 24 hours I'd already purchased another); I took what amounts to a 9 hour shower in my hotel room; I walked around with my fly open for an entire night, and I took a swim in the ocean at 3am after taking a shot of Bacardi and chasing it with a swig of Hurricane. (NOT SMART!!)

But all ridicularity (I know, not a real word...) aside, I had one of the coolest experiences ever, taking a scenic drive with some coworkers from Rio Grande to the village of Cayay and hit up a Lechonera - or roasted pig stand - called "Lechonera Los Pino" that was seen on Discovery's Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations.

Let me just say that this was some of the juiciest, most tender and juicy pork that I've ever tasted. (Did I mention that it was juicy?)

As the famous comedian and street intellectual Chris Rock once said, "I'll eat a pig's a$$ if you cook it right!"

Indeed Mr. Rock. Indeed.

~Brown Guy

Crazy...

2007-12-09T22:04:00.000-05:00

...white people rule.

Is That Even Legal...

2007-12-09T19:14:00.000-05:00

You know what's funny? No, I mean besides the fact that Brown Guy, Viggy and Other Guy never blog... But how driving in front of a police car makes you question every move you make. I was sitting at a stop sign waiting to turn left onto a road that has quite a bit of traffic on it. I was going to turn into the middle turn lane to avoid having to wait for both sides to be clear when I saw the police car in my mirror. I wondered if that move is even legal. Then I began wondering if half of what people do on the road is legal.

About a month ago Other Guy mentioned Detroit traffic laws or the lack thereof and after a few recent visits I can confirm the notion. It's anarchy on the roads there. You can literally pull a u-turn right in front of a cop in the middle of the road while speeding with all your doors open and no one would care. It's madness.

That's about all.

Drive safe

-Swami

Superman That Tree...

2007-12-06T17:08:00.000-05:00

So I recently found further proof that my parents think I'm Superman. Our realtor called us (my parents are selling our cottage) and informed us that a tree had fallen in our driveway and it was blocking part of it. My mom tells her not to worry, that I am home and I will move it. I had my doubts. I heard tree, and assumed it weighed more than me. I was right. I got there to see a large birch tree that I definitely could not pick up. I moved a lot of the branches but there was still some work left to do.

I waited for Other Guy to come home to help me out and we set off with a plan to tie it to my car. Unfortunately the driveway was pure ice and even my super powerful 4 wheel drive Subaru almost got stuck in the ice. So, it was up to our brute strength. Here is what happened. Be sure and watch carefully about a 1:35 in when Other Guy meets the ice.

-Swami

Mr. Brady...

2007-12-04T12:10:00.000-05:00

As much as I hate being a Spartan sharing a blog with three Wolverines, I must say that Tom Brady might be the best thing to come out of the Big 10 since Magic Johnson. A lot of controversy last night in that win over the Ravens and as nice as it would have been to see the underdog win, the penalties were all the right calls. I wonder if the Lions offered Brady 200 million dollars for the next 5 years, if he would consider coming to the D?

One could only hope. Meanwhile the Lions break my heart a little more every week. I don't know what's worse, being 6-2 and tied for the lead for the Wildcard and then losing 4 in a row to make it very hard, if not impossible, to make the playoffs or being as bad as we have been the past decade.

Oh well.

-m

Yeah. Right.

2007-11-30T13:43:00.000-05:00

You know what's wrong with this picture?

These assholes are smiling. That's what's wrong. Have these people ever even moved?! You know what happens when you move? You hate people. You hate anyone. You especially hate people that are having fun.

Yesterday I had to move a new couch in and take an old couch out of my dad's office to put in my apartment. By myself. Luckily it was only a 'love seat' and not a full size couch, but it was still a heavy leather couch nonetheless. Nothing makes you want to hit someone like moving furniture. People just don't seem to understand that it's no time to joke. That's real life happening.

I'm out

-M

ps - If you ever need to move and you have some extra money, pay someone else to do it. As much as it sucks to move, it is conversely awesome to watch other people move your shit.

The Grumpy Old Men

2007-11-27T16:12:00.000-05:00

I recently turned 28 which (at age ten I informed my 29 year old cousin) is really, really, really old. The thing is I don't feel that old except that my body occasionally hurts now after I play basketball for three hours. Unfortunately little things have made me more and more aware of how I'm much different then five years ago. Like the fact that Brown Guy and I have conversations about things like furnishing, cutlery and retirement plans and less discussions of female anatomy, eating large amounts of food in one sitting, video games and shots at the bar. The worst part is that it feels normal not to talk about these things as much. Any attempt to recapture youth is dangerously close to being "those old creepy guys" trying to act 20.

~Viggy

In an attempt to recapture my "youth" I went with three other 27 year-olds and purchased an Xbox 360 for myself for my birthday. (My wife has yet to get me a gift, a story for another day) And no I haven't gotten Halo 3 yet, it's sold out in the DC area apparently . . .

Absurd...

2007-11-26T11:48:00.000-05:00

Generally I am a huge fan of the YouTube. It's a very easy way to find hilarious commercials, basketball clips and best of all basketball commercials. It's also useful for a good laugh. What it's not meant for however is video clips of babies breast feeding. Cut that out. Damn. No one wants to see that. I often peruse the most watched section to see what all the hoopla is about and see what the kids are watching these days 'cause I'm down with the kids, but 9 times out of ten, on the front page of the most viewed is some lady feeding her baby. Stop it. I mean I can understand the allure if you are a new mother and you want to make sure you're doing what you're supposed to but damn, who else needs to watch that? I refuse to believe there are enough breast feeding fetishists out there to account for the hundred thousand views. People need to stop being crazy. Relax. I propose that from now on, if you come across those videos, you need to flag it for being out of control.

This is why I Tube...

-M

Good Music

2007-11-24T16:43:00.000-05:00

Let me just preface this post by saying that Stevie Wonder is my favorite artist of all time. This clip from Eddie Murphy's "Delirious" does a good job of articulating the way I feel about this guy and his music. [WARNING: This clip contains language that may be offense to some.]:

As far as I'm concerned, "Stevie Wonder is a musical genius!" And if you don't like him, "your mother brought you up wrong mothaf*cka!"

That's real.

If you're new to Stevie or only know about him because of MLK Day or (Heaven forbid) American Idol, I strongly recommend gifting for yourself or someone else, "Talking Book," and "Music of My Mind ," two of his most critically lauded and influential works.

Enjoy,

Brown Guy

PS. Turkey and Mac N' Cheese took me out the game this week/weekend. I hope everyone had a great Turkey Day.

An Obligatory Post

2007-11-20T22:56:00.000-05:00

I've yet to post so I have decided (i.e. been coerced) to manufacture my first entry. I say "manufacture" because I have nothing noteworthy to say at this juncture in time. Since, however, this does not seem to be a requirement in the blogosphere I will simply cowboy up with an entry.

Why do I have nothing to say? Unquestionably, there is an entire world of ridiculousness that lies at my doorstep. I mean, I live in Detroit. Unfortunately, I have gone back to school and am having a hard time learning how to do anything other than go to class, memorize minute details, sleep, and wish I was sleeping. As a consequence I now rock a slight pauch and the interesting ruminations I once had whilst sitting on my porch and drinking a beer after a day at work are now gone.

Actually, even in the midst of blocking out the outside world, a few things stand out to me. First and foremost: driving in this city will teach you to face your inner demons, speak in tongues and simultaneously revere and despise life. I have witnessed NYC traffic in the few months I was there this summer and been stuck in LA traffic numerous times. Nothing transcends god awful driving like Detroit traffic. It's not that you are stuck in traffic endlessly (although, you are stuck in traffic for much longer than you need to be. Honestly, shouldn't it be on someone's agenda in a large city to make sure traffic flows in an orderly fashion? Without fail, as soon as your light turns green, the light down the block with turn yellow. Worst of all, once you notice this trend, each subsequent occurence gnaws at your soul), it's that nobody cares. Nobody cares about red lights, nobody cares about pedestrians (those in wheelchairs are no exception), nobody cares about oncoming traffic, one ways, checking blindspots - etc, etc, etc. People run red lights frequently - and not just in the dead of night. I don't dare accelerate as soon as a light turns green, but wait a few seconds to make sure no more Buick LeSabres will come barreling through- hell bent on on stomping on my little Honda. I saw a middle aged woman in a wheel chair very nearly get bowled over by a car that made no effort to slow or stop. Granted, she was jay-walking (or rolling, or whatever) - but the car didn't even try to swerve. The most amazing thing was - she didn't really seem to mind. Acted as if nothing happened. And this seems to be the norm. People just seem to accept it. So great is the acceptance, in fact, that everyone seems to join in the Mad Max atmosphere of Detroit streets.

Give this man a whistle and maybe he can do something about Detroit streets...

While my fear of dying on the roads has jumped markedly since I have moved here, my fear of incurring some kind of traffic violation has decreased greatly as well. In the world of points and auto insurance - I almost call this a fair trade. Nevertheless, I am always happy when I wind up arriving safely to wherever it is I was going. It's just one of the many things I'm thankful for as I roll into this Thanksgiving long weekend.

Food Fight

2007-11-19T17:23:00.000-05:00

As much as we here at Ibodera like pointing out how terrible other people are, part of it is recognizing that terribleness in ourselves and how we can continue to rule as much as we do. I recently was one of those terrible people, well to other people anyway.

During the MSU UofM tailgate a couple weeks ago, I found myself in a familiar position as a reckless tailgating drunk. Sometimes when I drink I regress into an angry 8 year old who likes to 'experiment' and by that I mean break things. I found a lonely unopened bottle of yellow mustard and a bag of Cheetos that were left behind in the remains of some barbeque. Instead of picking it up and throwing it away like I should have at this stage in my life, I chose to instead jump on the bag of Cheetos to see what would happen. They crunched. Then I decided to see what would happen if I did the same to a bottle of mustard. I jumped but nothing happened. I realized the seal you have to peel off on the inside was still on so after peeling that off I put the cap back on. Then I placed it on the ground, took a step back and jumped on it with all my weight. It blew up in a glorious explosion of one long streak of mustard. Fortunately me nor any of my friends got any on them.

Unfortunately the dudes walking by at that moment weren't so lucky. One dude in particular. He was covered from head to toe in mustard. I don't mean like someone squeezed a bottle on him, but like he jumped in a tub of it. All over his shoes, jeans, shirt, face and hair. Dude was a mess. Another dude got some in his hair. I also got a very tiny amount on some angry black dude's pants. After having a few words with me I found a napkin for the angry black guy to wipe off his pants that he had apparently just bought before the tailgate, I told the guy with mustard in his hair to stop whining and then I found a dirty paper towel for the guy covered in it. Long story short, I told the dude I was going to go get him some more paper towel and instead rounded up my friends and ran away. Literally ran.

I tell you this not to scare you into never tailgating with me, but to wonder why it is at age 25 I don't know the outcome of jumping on a bottle of mustard in the middle of a crowd. You would think that after all these years I would know that there are things you just don't do anymore. How does it happen that I still get so caught up in the moment that I ruin other people's day.

I guess I just do. I'm glad I did that. Those assholes probably deserved it. I don't owe them anything, I don't feel bad and I hope they learned a lesson. Keep your eyes open for anything at anytime. Those guys just need to relax and everything will be cool. The best part was the only guy who should have punched me in the face (the one covered from head to toe) only said one thing, "Next time you want to jump on a mustard bottle at tailgate, don't." Indeed good sir. Indeed.

-M

Goodbye Lloyd Carr

2007-11-19T13:39:00.001-05:00

Regardless of what the critics may say Lloyd Carr will be missed.

"Whatever I can get"

2007-11-17T08:49:00.000-05:00

I'm always slightly alarmed by the wanton use of the "Whatever I can get" sexual preference option on Facebook. To me, "Whatever I can get" means that in the prolonged absence of another human being, one might consider hot, lovely relations with a pig or dolphin or some other mammal with purportedly high intelligence/relationship appeal. Look, I'm not one to judge. In undergrad, I hooked up with Chewbacca at least once and I'm sure several others who originate from the planet Kashyyyk; but when I found out that some dude from the UK got busted for doing the wild monkey dance with his bicycle, I decided to draw that proverbial line in the sand.

"Whatever I can get" has taken on new meaning for me. I mean, the thought of this guy throwing on a Barry Manilow record, pouring two glasses of Merlot and then talking his bike into doing something that it really doesn't want to do (but kinda wants to do) is simply too much.

I implore everyone to put a stop to the madness,

~Brown Guy

PS. I'm serious. Stop it.

I still contend I'm not addicted to basketball . . . but this is too good

2007-11-15T16:23:00.000-05:00

Fellow blogger Brown Guy has proposed (at least five times in the past two days) that I have a serious basketball addiction. I've always denied this and I was planning to use this blog to develop a few solid proofs that show I'm not. Then last night happened. I had a rec league basketball game at 9:15 and because I didn't check my phone or email after 5:00 I didn't find out until 8:30 that we would only have four people showing up. On the way to the game I was informed that in addition we had to win the game to make the playoffs. Since I don't want to get bore anyone with details I'll jump to the end of the story . . . we won a 40 minute game playing 4 on 5. I've never been a part of anything like it. I can't say that we played particularly well or that the other team was particularly terrible (Although, given their performance, I'm sure it wouldn't be hard to make that argument) but we won by five and led at one point in the second half by 15. I should also note that we only had one player over 6 feet tall. I honestly don't know what else to say. I'm kind of at a loss. I've never even heard of anything like that happening. I know I would have to strongly consider giving up basketball if I lost to a team playing with four guys against five. Before you start making judgements about the quality of the other team let me tell you that four of the guys apparently played high school basketball with a member of our team. (Although as I pointed out on the ride home high school was over ten years ago. More on this subject later.) Thoughts? Has something like this ever happened to anyone else?

What?

2007-11-15T15:24:00.001-05:00

Seriously? You have got to be kidding me. This girl is my hero.

-m

Monkey See. Monkey Do.

2007-11-14T20:52:00.000-05:00

Why is it that every time I see someone digging in their nose, I say "ewe" to myself and then 3 minutes later hit the jackpot in my own nose with my own metacarpal(s)? It's really a freaking ridiculous and contagious habit and set of behaviors that I came face to face with today on the Metro. Today I watched it all go down like this:

Alarmingly big, soft and pimply dude squeezes his way into a "seniors seated first" seat on the train. An old, unsuspecting woman loses the good fight and becomes pinned to this mass of soon-to-be boogerfication for the duration of the 8 minute ride.
Pimply dude starts going at it with his nose like his finger is Tom and the booger is Jerry, and Jerry is running in and out of crevices and fooling Tom into eating a stick of dynamite that's sandwiched between two hotdog buns...or something like that. What I'm trying to say is dude was digging in his m*****f****n' nose like a m*****f****r!

Chain reaction begins.

Homely woman sitting across from pimply dude makes a funny face, having seen pimply dude's gold expedition with intricate detail - only rivaled by that of an iMax show in 3D. Homely woman then -- not even two minutes later-- proceeds to pinch a golden apple from her left nostril.
Next up, Jewish dude with product-devoid afro and disgustingly expensive jeans gives some "thumb up the nose" action. (and for those of you who think thumb up the nose is either a) okay to do, or b) discreet, I have to inform you that you are STILL digging in your m*****f****n' nose like a m*****f****r! And everybody knows it.)

So I'm sitting back right? Brown Guy observing the masses in complete and utter disgust and contempt for the metro's version of Lewis and Clark and the entire boogery bunch. Finally my stop comes and I hurry off, shooting each culprit a patented Brown Guy look of contempt (TM). As I scurry up the escalator and lock eyes with this dude wearing a tank-top (and it's like 55 degrees outside so I'm allowed to look at him funny), I notice him shooting me back a funky look of disgust.

I just think to myself that dude is salty about my fresh argyle from Banana, but low and behold, and without my own immediate awareness, my middle finger is solidly in my nose 3/4ths of the way to the first knuckle.

Picking your nose is contagious. Monkey see. Monkey do.

~Brown Guy

Ps. Get your fingers out your nose.

2007-11-13T20:35:00.000-05:00

NBA News:

The NBA season is just a few weeks old and already plenty of stories abound. Can anyone beat Boston? Will the Sonics win a game before they move to Oklahoma City? Is Marbury finished in New York? Is Gilbert's knee injury worse then initially thought? Lost in the news was a seemingly smaller transaction that took place around 5:00 pm Eastern time on November 11th.

"11/11/07 - Los Angeles Lakers acquire Ramanan Vistabula from The Deerpark Water Playazs of the Cook County Recreational C League in exchange for $22.35 and a conditional case of beer to be named later."

The Lakers released the following press release through their website, Lakers.com

"In an effort to provide Kobe Bryant some additional interior help in the 2007-2008 season the Lakers have acquired Ramanan "The Compeller" Vistabula from the Deerpark Water Playaz. The Compeller averaged close to two points a game last season in the Cook County Recreational C League while leading the league in blocked shots at .016 per game."

We here at Scoop headquarters were ecstatic to hear that Vistabula was back in the basketball scene, and we promise not to rest until we are able to give you a complete account of all the details surrounding this story. For now we leave you with the following quote from Brian Demulder (a player on last seasons 2-10 Deerpark Water Playaz)

"I've never played with anyone like him (Vistabula). He's always just a blur of arms and legs. Not very graceful mind you, he kinda reminded me of a clumsy giraffe crossed with a sickly tree. I will miss him though, he always had plenty of Gatorade to share."

~ The Scoop

As I Am

2007-11-13T14:22:00.001-05:00

If you like Alicia Keys, go get this. It's pretty kick ass. Very good winter/driving/baby making album. Also, go get the "Dan in Real Life" soundtrack. It's also really good.

-M

Say Hello...

2007-11-13T13:40:00.000-05:00

..to 2 Indian brothers (in both the literal sense and the way black people use it which I think is more meaningful anyways), one angry Brown Guy, and for tax purposes, a random white guy named Viggy. You could have been witness to them when they lived together briefly in the summer of 03 in the streets of Ann Arbor. Now they are scattered throughout the east coast and by east coast I mean in DC, NYC and Detroit.

By reading this blog you can expect to learn something about yourself, mostly about why you are blowing it and what should be doing with your life to rule more. You can also learn a lot about 4 of the coolest people east of the Mississippi. Also, most importantly, you will learn why we rule.

The New Hotness

2007-11-12T17:00:00.001-05:00

If you know what's good for you, you'll read this blog on the regular. It is written by 4 of the coolest people in probably the galaxy. We will be discussing things in general, mostly how terrible people are. For example, this guy at Best Buy who was too fat to fit down the cd aisle consequently making him bump into me and instead of saying sorry, he looked at me like it was my fault that he weighed 8 million pounds. If he spent half as much time eating and devoted that time to showering, it would have made the experience much better.