I Vote Therefore I Am

So today I Baracked the vote and Baracked it hard. I had to deal with all manner of obstacles to
securing my vote, but I got it done.

Numerous things stood in my way: from the 122 year olds working the precincts, to the 123 year old geriatric voters, completely perplexed by modern-day voting equipment and the audible English language. (I know, I'm making fun of old people and it's not cool...I'm going to Hell, etc.) I literally braved the rain, sleet and snow (and sea of old people) to make my electoral voice heard.

The actual voting experience was a letdown. I just pushed a button and my vote was made. I felt like I deserved a happy meal or a free t-shirt for my troubles, but I walked out with nothing but a sorry sticker and a bunch of time spent that I desperately want back. But the highlight of my experience was definitely getting the chance to hop in front of a camera after I voted for an impromptu TV interview. It went down something like this:

Reporter: Excuse me, young man. Can I interview you?

Brown Guy: Sure.

Reporter: If it's okay, I'd just like to ask you a few questions.

Brown Guy: Of course (as I put Chapstick on my dry-ass lips and get ready to drop some serious knowledge on this poor woman).

For the next two minutes, I proceeded to give this woman a modern civics lesson, factoring in the influence of new-media and grassroots organizing tactics, the picture of the electoral map and the clear transformational mandate that the next president will have to implement sweeping change.

I was feeling pretty good about myself and was extremely confident that I came off as not only knowledgeable, but also hot and sexy. "Can't wait to see myself on the 10 o'clock news," I thought. Then I asked the reporter "what channel are you with?" She replied, "oh, we are Russian TV."

Russian TV.

Russian TV?!!

WTF?!!

I can't win. Now my black a$$ is going to be plastered all over Moscow and my words will undoubtedly be translated into some stereotypical bullsh*t like "Hi. I'm black. I voted, but I also play lots of basketball and think R-Kelly is a genius."

For the love of Perestroika.

I'm out,

~ Brown Guy

Yes, I Can...

Did anyone else watch Obama's victory speech the other night? After he won on Saturday? I loved it but seriously, it sounded like he watched the Will.i.am video a little too much. Like he also has it on heavy rotation in his iPod. Not that there's anything wrong with that. But for real, you could tell he wanted someone to remix that shit immediately. Honestly though, I can't wait til my boy R Kelly makes that remix...

"Ya'll know what time it is...Usually I don't do this but, uh, go ahead and break em off a little piece of Obama.
It's the freakin Primaries, I'm like so what I'm drunk..."

Or something more awesome. Hopefully T-Pain will also get in on it. And maybe Chris Brown. And T.I.















He definitely just peed on her...


Damn I just made like the ultimate greatest remix of all time in my head. I wish it was real. Seriously.

-Swami

will.i.am Obama Song on MP3...

...found it suckas (right here). You best believe that this is in heavy rotation on my iPod and blaring out of my speakers.

To my Potomac area peeps, please go vote on Tuesday! I don't so much care who you vote for as much as I care that you participate in the process.

~Brown Guy

ps. Yes We Can.

G-Chat Part 17 Million...

I'm not too big on the whole G-Chat thing. Mostly because I just started using it recently and also because I don't have a job so I don't need it to keep my occupied while I'm getting paid. But recently Brown Guy and I noticed how if you signed up to help support Obama on his website, they ask you for money. Like every day. As if getting letters from high school and college weren't enough...

BrownGuy: Michelle Obama needs to stop asking my broke-a$$ for money fa' real, son
Me: hahaha. i know right. every day. "Swami, guess what? We had a record 100,00 people donate in just 7 days. Let's make it 125,000." shut the fuck up michelle. i don't have any money. stop asking me.
Brown Guy: lol exactly
Me: if so many people are donating, why not just say thank you for your support. why is it every day she is tryin to blow up my spot. the worst is when barack does it because then i feel bad. he's like "Swami, we're making a real change in the world. Anything you can give would be amazing!" And I'm like damn Barack, why you gotta tell me personally. It's so much harder saying no to you than to your annoying wife.
BrownGuy: hahahaha. This is true. Saying no to Barack himself is real tough. It's like scolding a concept.
Dear "inspiration," please stop bothering me about money, but please keep inspiring me. it just doesn't work
Me: hahahahaha. it's a catch 22. it's also bull shit. they should do a background check before they ask me for money. then they would see it's a waste of time
BrownGuy: i do know this, whenever i finally do get some money and donate, i'm going to leave a really snarky testimonial
like "here's a little bit of cash. btw, i pooped my pants thinking about how sweet it would be if you were president. now please leave me alone." --Brown Guy
Me: "PS - Please tell your wife to stop shakin me down. She's worse than the mob."
BrownGuy: seriously


-Swami