A White Hot Mess

I'm probably going to start some sort of ridiculous-inner circle race war with this one. But before I move forward, let me just say that I feel I've befriended enough white people to go here. (And let's be real, 98% of everyone that I know is white...or somehow trying to be white.) And for those of you who are offended by me posting this, just remember that I'm really Cablinasian and I'm learning to play golf some day (so get off me!).

Okay, so here's the story (I'm going to go ahead and flip everyone's insides out ): Some girl I know who sleeps about four inches away from me every night put me onto this website called "Stuff White People Like." It's got some serious viral buzz behind it and the number of unique hits as well as dedicated readers is spreading like wildfire. It's a blog that basically extrapolates stereotypes about white people in a thoughtful, yet truly playful manner.

I've literally read every single one of the posts on here (there were 74 of them last time I counted). It's freaking hilarious--if not mildly offensive in the most benign sense. To all those who enjoy laughing about peoples perceived differences as much as I do, you should seriously check it out.

Now that I've "gone there," I'd be remiss if I didn't offer up some fodder for my anglo-leaning brethren who can't get enough of vicious stereotypes about black people (like we need stereotypes when we have to live with R-Kelly, Making The Band w/Diddy, BET Television and Wanda Sikes.)

Enjoy,

Brown Guy

PS. Random as hell, but I thought you all should know that I hate Wendy's.

Get well Mr. Yao

~Viggy

-Thanks Yaysports, some day I too will learn to use Photoshop to add funny captions to NBA photos.

Yao Out...

... for the season. Sucks. I really like Houston. Just wanted to mention this because I've been meaning to talk about how ridiculous the west is right now. 10 teams deep?! Are you serious? Granted Portland has fallen off a little and now that Yao is out, Houston will most likely follow suit making Denver and Golden State the likely 2 to round out the last playoff spots. But how crazy is it that only a few games separate the 1st and 9th teams in the conference? Insane. Denver (currently 9th in the West) would be in 4th place in the East and have home court advantage. That's sick. Flip Saunders said he would like to see the top 16 teams make the playoffs no matter what conference. I really like that idea but still think that conferences are also a good thing. Maybe just move some teams? I don't know.

-Swami

Derrick Ashong - Don't Sleep

So, someone sent this to me and I encourage everybody to take a few minutes and watch these two clips. You should definitely watch the first clip to set the stage for the second one. This dude does a really good job of both articulating the message most people fail to consciously understand and highlight the underlying sentiments of a perspective that Americans born on this continent probably are not fully aware of. In any case, don't sleep on Derrick Ashong and more importantly dont sleep on his message.

(Also, this pushy a$$ interviewer totally tries to check this guy and gets intellectually punked - loved it)

Derrick Ashong clip #1:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kica8hmSdAM

Derrick Ashong clip #2:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S2zO5d-XZWA

Bourne 4...

Universal announced plans to make a new Bourne movie with Damon and director Paul Greengrass agreeing to do it.

WTF?!?

I loved the first one. I liked the second one. If you read my blog, you know how much I hated the third. I ranked it the worst movie of the year last year. It is one of the worst "action" movies I have ever seen. Not to rehash old feelings, but how can you call it an "action" movie when there is only 10 minutes of super shitty - "I'm going to use a handheld camera to make it look fast and cool even though it's not"- action. It's bull shit. Bull. Shit. So then what is it? Is it the plot? Oh, you mean the same exact plot from the first two? That can't possibly be it. It's not even entertaining. It's a waste of money. And time. And talent.












I used to love the shit out of Damon. But after the third Bourne and his questionable comments about Bond (he said it was a weak franchise and that Ultimatum was better than Casino Royale) I have started to question him as a human being. I mean WTF? Seriously? You think your shitty movie can even hold a candle to Casino Royale? Get the eff out of my face. I'll kill you. Why don't you go make another shitty Ocean's movie so you can waste more of your talent.

I do love Matt Damon. But it's hard to stomach these shitty movies he does and I'm bitter about it. If this movie does happen and you (yes, you dedicated Ibodera reader) see it, I won't be your friend anymore. I'll call you names and tell people you have the clap.

I'm out.

-Swami

NBA Trade Deadline

From ESPN -

Cavs get Wallace from Bulls, Szczerbiak from Sonics

The Cleveland Cavaliers appear to have beaten the NBA's annual trade buzzer to get LeBron James some of the fresh help he's been openly craving. In a three-way, 11-player trade with Chicago and Seattle that has been submitted for league approval, NBA front-office sources say that Cleveland will come away with four new teammates for James, headlined by Ben Wallace from the Bulls and sharpshooter Wally Szczerbiak from the Sonics.

The league office was notified of the deal before Thursday's 3 p.m. ET trading deadline, sources said, and is currently reviewing the trade details as required for formal approval. After Cleveland watched two longstanding trade targets land elsewhere -- Mike Bibby in Atlanta and Jason Kidd in Dallas -- sources say that the deal calls for the Cavaliers to receive Wallace, Szczerbiak, Seattle point guard Delonte West, Chicago's Joe Smith and a future second-round pick from the Bulls.

The Bulls, apparently abandoning their gamble on Wallace less than two seasons into the lucrative four-year deal they used to sign him away from Detroit, would get Cavaliers forward Drew Gooden and swingman Larry Hughes along with Cavs reserves Cedric Simmons and Shannon Brown.

The Sonics, shedding Szczerbiak in the name of additional payroll flexibility, come away with the expiring contracts of Cleveland's Ira Newble and Chicago's Adrian Griffin as well as Cavs veteran Donyell Marshall.

I'm not a fan of the Cleveland Cavs, but thankfully they seem on the verge of at least becoming more interesting to watch. Which is good, because much like the Lakers they are always on national TV. As a Hornets fan I'm much more excited about this.

From ESPN -

The Hornets, Houston Rockets and Memphis Grizzlies finalized a multi-player swap that sends Mike James and Bonzi Wells to New Orleans, with Bobby Jackson, Adam Haluska and a second-round draft pick going to Houston.


~ Viggy

Chicago Politics - all jacked up

Just to give you guys some idea of the ridiculousness that goes down in the course of elections I thought I'd post this tid bit for your enjoyment. For anyone who has ever even volunteered on a campaign you know a tremendous amount of work goes into the process as a whole and election day can be as complicated as having a baby with no doctor. That being said, if you work on several at once the following kinds of "distractions" (and there is always something in Chicago) are what cause people to put up their dukes.

Enjoy:
http://www.chicagoreader.com/features/stories/theworks/080221/

Imploding...

Speaking of the Knicks... This is just getting ridiculous.



You're grown ass men. Cut that shit out.

-Swami

Observations from the Wizards game

I attended the Wizards/Knicks game last night at the Verizon Center. I'll be honest I knew it would be terrible going in, but the free center court ticket ten rows from the floor was too good to pass up. Plus I had to get a first hand look at the train wreck that is the Knicks.

Observation #1.

Eddy Curry is fat.

I know this has already been noted everywhere, but you have to see him in person to really understand how bad it is. It literally looks like he is wearing an inner-tube under his jersey. He is big guy, but all of his weight is in his hips, stomach and ass. Curry wasn't even defending Brendan Haywood he was simply leaning on him to catch his breath.

Observation #2.

This whole "keeping the non-basketball fan interested" has gone too far.

During the second quarter the Wizards ran a promotion for Chipotle. It consisted of the mascot having a huge box of burritos from which his "helpers" proceeded to throw burritos into the crowd. Seriously? I don't want a random burrito from Chipotle that you threw at me. On the plus side Eddy Curry seemed visibly upset that he didn't manage to snag a few.

Observation #3.

The "Kiss Cam" is still great.

The highlight of the third quarter came when Jared Jefferies and Nate Robinson appeared on the "Kiss Cam" together while on the Knicks bench. When Jefferies made a face the camera quickly moved over to Eddy Curry and Isiah Thomas. That brought the crowd to its feet.

Observation #4.

Watching the Knicks play more then once could drive you insane.

I have never seen a more disorganized or disinterested team. Somehow they did win the game in OT, but that was because too many of the Wizards key players were injured and because David Lee actually got some playing time and was killing everyone. He had 19 points on 7 of 8 from the field and 5 of 5 from the line. He's really benefiting from the fact that Curry can only make it up and down the floor about 20 times in the game. Zach Randolph also played well, but I'm still waiting for him to get traded after the he gets into some trouble in a New York hotel room.

I had some other observations which had more to do with the NBA in general, but you'll have to wait as I'm tried of typing and I need to get back to work.

~Viggy

-Thanks to Yaysports for the photos.

Whatever...

The only Superman that matter is this one:


Supa-man dat ho'!!!!

~Brown Guy

ps. I got nothin'

Superman...

I've always liked Dwight Howard. But now I officially love the shit out of him. The dunk competition on Saturday night was one of the best I have seen in probably almost 20 years. It reminded me of watching Spud Webb go up against The Human Highlight Reel back in the day. How can one man jump so high. He might be the most athletic person I have ever seen in my life. I mean, he threw the ball in the basket. That's how high he was. He threw it down into the hoop.

In case you missed it...



My second favorite dunk of the night was Gerald Green's "Birthday Cake" dunk. It lost a lot of attention after DH swooped in and broke the mold, but it was an amazing dunk:




In my prime I could dunk a soccer ball. Not so sure anymore. Stop being so ridiculous people. WTF.

-Swami

G-Chat: Xbox 360 and Puppies

Brown Guy: Luke just got an Xbox 360

I think I have to get one

Actually, I'm almost 100 percent sure that I have to get one

DLP: hahaha

NO

if you buy an xbox you have to buy me a puppy

Brown Guy: you don't understand

i''m getting one

possibly this weekend

on credit

'cuz i don't have real money

DLP: there better be a baby labradoor attached to it

Brown Guy: i mean, if you can take care of it and make sure it doesn't destroy my xbox or any of my sexy clothes, you can have your phukking puppy

DLP: hahaha

Brown Guy: i don't care

DLP: you are funny

Xbox is for puppies. And Wu-Tang is for the children.

Peace,

~Brown Guy

I Vote Therefore I Am

So today I Baracked the vote and Baracked it hard. I had to deal with all manner of obstacles to
securing my vote, but I got it done.

Numerous things stood in my way: from the 122 year olds working the precincts, to the 123 year old geriatric voters, completely perplexed by modern-day voting equipment and the audible English language. (I know, I'm making fun of old people and it's not cool...I'm going to Hell, etc.) I literally braved the rain, sleet and snow (and sea of old people) to make my electoral voice heard.

The actual voting experience was a letdown. I just pushed a button and my vote was made. I felt like I deserved a happy meal or a free t-shirt for my troubles, but I walked out with nothing but a sorry sticker and a bunch of time spent that I desperately want back. But the highlight of my experience was definitely getting the chance to hop in front of a camera after I voted for an impromptu TV interview. It went down something like this:

Reporter: Excuse me, young man. Can I interview you?

Brown Guy: Sure.

Reporter: If it's okay, I'd just like to ask you a few questions.

Brown Guy: Of course (as I put Chapstick on my dry-ass lips and get ready to drop some serious knowledge on this poor woman).

For the next two minutes, I proceeded to give this woman a modern civics lesson, factoring in the influence of new-media and grassroots organizing tactics, the picture of the electoral map and the clear transformational mandate that the next president will have to implement sweeping change.

I was feeling pretty good about myself and was extremely confident that I came off as not only knowledgeable, but also hot and sexy. "Can't wait to see myself on the 10 o'clock news," I thought. Then I asked the reporter "what channel are you with?" She replied, "oh, we are Russian TV."

Russian TV.

Russian TV?!!

WTF?!!

I can't win. Now my black a$$ is going to be plastered all over Moscow and my words will undoubtedly be translated into some stereotypical bullsh*t like "Hi. I'm black. I voted, but I also play lots of basketball and think R-Kelly is a genius."

For the love of Perestroika.

I'm out,

~ Brown Guy

Just had to break away from the Obama freight train . . .

From ESPN:

For the second succesive year, Dwight Howard's proposal to have the rim raised to 12 feet during the annual dunk contest at All-Star Weekend in New Orleans has been rejected by the NBA.

The league office confirmed to ESPN.com on Tuesday that the Orlando Magic's All-Star center has again formally requested to have the rim hiked from the regulation 10 feet to 12 feet for at least one of his dunks, as Howard continues to seek ways to prove that his leaping ability is no less impressive that the hops possessed by shorter rivals.

Yet as with last February in Las Vegas -- when Howard was planning to wow judges with a 360 dunk at 12 feet and an attempt at 11½ feet which called for him to shift the ball between his legs in mid-air -- league officials balked.

They've ruled that changing the height of the rim, while easily done mid-contest with the help of hydraulics, clashes with their intent to apply as many standard NBA rules to All-Star Weekend contests as possible.

This is just stupid. The NBA is concerned about "applying as many standard NBA rules to All-Star Weekend contests as possible?" I mean WTF? Honestly there aren't too many unique ways to dunk a basketball that haven't already been done. If I wanted standard NBA rules I would just swing by the Verizon Center and watch the Wizards. In fact I wouldn't mind seeing the NBA raise the rims to 11 feet for regular season games. At least when a player dunked it might mean something. . .

~Viggy

What's hot in the streets right now...

I can't take credit for finding this, but I had to put this up asap. Yeah, it's just a song, but the song is hot, well articulated, and insightful. Besides the fact that it makes me wanna dance, the message is on point. "We need a new champion, so get on the campaign"

VOTE FOR BARACK

By the way since this dude was so on point in putting this together I figure the least we can do is put up the name from his myspace page: DLabrie

Yes, I Can...

Did anyone else watch Obama's victory speech the other night? After he won on Saturday? I loved it but seriously, it sounded like he watched the Will.i.am video a little too much. Like he also has it on heavy rotation in his iPod. Not that there's anything wrong with that. But for real, you could tell he wanted someone to remix that shit immediately. Honestly though, I can't wait til my boy R Kelly makes that remix...

"Ya'll know what time it is...Usually I don't do this but, uh, go ahead and break em off a little piece of Obama.
It's the freakin Primaries, I'm like so what I'm drunk..."

Or something more awesome. Hopefully T-Pain will also get in on it. And maybe Chris Brown. And T.I.















He definitely just peed on her...


Damn I just made like the ultimate greatest remix of all time in my head. I wish it was real. Seriously.

-Swami

will.i.am Obama Song on MP3...

...found it suckas (right here). You best believe that this is in heavy rotation on my iPod and blaring out of my speakers.

To my Potomac area peeps, please go vote on Tuesday! I don't so much care who you vote for as much as I care that you participate in the process.

~Brown Guy

ps. Yes We Can.

Heavy Breathers

You know what I hate. Heavy breathing. And everything that goes with it. Yesterday I was trying to sit in class and space out in peace when this morbidly obese girl decided to sit behind me. Usually she sits on the opposite side of the room so I'm not bothered by it, but yesterday she thought she'd ruin my day by sitting in my comfort zone. Apparently sitting down is so stressful for her that she needs to breathe like she just climbed 10 flights of stairs. There was no stopping it. It was obscene, uncontrollable heaving. Like really gross wheezing. I thought I was gonna throw up. At one point during a quiz it was extra quiet and she was breathing so loud I couldn't concentrate. Then for a couple seconds it stopped, pure silence, followed by a huge gasp for air. Like her heart stopped. I almost lost it. WTF.

Seriously. WTF. If you are so fat that you can't even sit down for two hours without gasping for air then you need help. Like, you're gonna die. Take the f-ing stairs bitch. And don't ever sit next to me again. I mean WTF. I understand you're obese, but take the extra step to not die in front of me. Later in class we had to do this lab and then hand it in so I waited until she finished and turned around and told her I would take hers and hand it in for her. I didn't want to deal with her stealing all my oxygen after she spent all the energy getting up and moving. If she ever sits by me again I'm gonna move. Across the room. And sit next to the girl who looks like Vanessa Carlton. Like exactly like her. Which makes me wonder why I don't see by her in the first place...




















Stay alive people. Honestly.

-Swami

God, Chris Webber looked really old

The picture above of Webber jogging through the pre-game introductions was the fastest he ran all night.

~Viggy

Shaq keeps it hot

Orlando, Los Angeles, Miami, and now Phoenix. I must admit considering 70% of the NBA teams reside in cold weather climates it's fairly amazing a player who has been on four different teams in his career has managed to stay in the south. As far as the trade is concerned I actually like this for both teams although I think it will work out better for Phoenix in the short term.

Why Phoenix made the trade:

1. Amare Stoudemire and Steve Nash didn’t get along with Shawn Marion and it was screwing up the team chemistry.
2. If Phoenix didn’t make the trade Shaq was going to end up in Dallas.
3. If it doesn’t work out Shaq’s huge contract will come off the books in two years same as Steve Nash and Phoenix can start over building around Stoudemire.
4. Shaq will give them the big, physical presence they sorely lack on both ends of the floor.

Why Miami made the trade:

1. Shaq has a huge contract and the team needs to start rebuilding around Dwayne Wade.
2. Shawn Marion can opt out of his contract after this year helping to get Miami under the cap. If not he's only under contract for one more season.
3. So yeah, Miami was basically in it for the money.

I understand that Shaq is old, injured and slow, but I believe Nash's ability to get him easy baskets and the chance for Stoudemire to move to power forward will greatly benefit this team. They have players that can begin to replicate what Marion provided in Grant Hill and Boris Diaw while Shaq can help improve the defense and rebounding in the paint. For those concerned about the Suns running you have to remember it doesn't take five players sprinting up the court to run a fast break. They will miss Marion's perimeter defense, but again having Shaq around will rim will help. Finally getting rid of a player that the other players couldn't stand to bring in a guy like Shaq who has an outstanding locker room presence might be the biggest benefit of all.

Miami can now move into their "rebuilding" phase. They should end up with a top five pick this summer and plenty of cap room in 2009. Maybe Wade can convince Chris Bosh or his boy LeBron James to ditch the cold weather of the north and move to Miami. A team of Derrick Rose, Wade and Bosh/or LeBron could be fairly ridiculous.

~Viggy

PS- I'm still convinced LeBron, Carmelo, Wade and Bosh should sign small contracts and play together when their current deals are up.

Halo 3

So I finally picked up Halo 3 this past weekend since BestBuy decided to put it on sale. After playing for the first time on Tuesday a future doctor who shall remain nameless, but whose initials are AL, convinced myself and a co-worker to call out from work to play all day. (Honestly it didn't take much convincing on his part) Bottom line, it was a blast to not have to worry about work for a day . . . it felt like college again. For those of you who are interested, I tried playing online with "Mike Eats Tacos" and . . . not so dramatic pause . . . I suck. Stupid fourth graders.

~Viggy

I'm going to write something about the Shaq trade tomorrow.

Mitt Romney Is A Stupid B*tch

Mitt Romney needs to drop out. The last I checked, he hasn't won sh*t 'cept possibly the Virgin Islands and Hamtramck. Also, if I was a conservative (which contrary to popular belief, I am not), I'd be so pissed about him positioning himself as the "true conservative" in this race. This man does not have a bone of authenticity in his body. Check this out:



This is just one of a bazillian issues that he has flip-flopped on more than John Kerry at a beach eating pancakes. I'm not a violent guy, but I wouldn't mind taking time out of my day to slap Mitt Romney to sleep.

~Brown Guy

PS. YES WE CAN.

Hear my plea

I dont like MoveOn.org, but I really do like Barack Obama. I like that each time I type his name on my computer (which happens a lot when you work along side the campaign) his name has red lines under it because he is so unique, so different than anything this country has ever wanted to acknowledge Microsoft has yet to slide him into our electronic lexicon (change people - we need real change - not simply a newer Clinton).

Below is a link to a video. Its not the best video I've ever seen, but it quietly makes me wanna focus a little bit more on being a better dude. Enjoy:

Yes We Can

(hopefully it works as I am not fluid with internet links and what not. If not, you tube the barack obama music video "yes we can")

Why haven't we blogged since Wednesday?

I just wanted to take a moment to call all of us out publically. Is anyone else glad the Super Bowl is done and maybe ESPN can find something else to cover? It went too far when Mike Ditka and Emmitt Smith began debating which team had a more attractive long snapper.

~Viggy