R-Kwame...

You think R-Kelly is bad because he likes to pee on people? I say more power to him. Some people like a golden shower. I'm not one to judge, especially someone so talented as Mr. Kelly. Granted he definitely slept with that 14 year old but if he got cleared in court then who am I to say otherwise. But Kwame. Man WTF?

"Mayor Kwame M. Kilpatrick was charged on Monday with misconduct in office, obstruction of justice, conspiracy to commit obstruction of justice and perjury, felonies that could end his political career and send him to prison for as long as 80 years."

80 years?!

I was sure that they would charge him with a few things but when you're mayor and you do so many heinous things that they can lock you up for 80 years, then you f-ed up man. End of story.

I mean dude, skip town. You're in deep.
















But no, Kwame isn't one to run. I guess that's about the only good thing you can say about him. But it's to a fault. The fact is he thinks he is going to be cleared of any wrongdoing and even worse he is not going to give up his reign of pain. Somewhere in that little chicken brain of his he still thinks he can be president one day. Someone needs to punch him in the nose. You know, so his eyes water and he sees things fresh.

Moral of the story: If you don't want someone to see something you write, don't write it down.

Stop texting

-Swami

Tiger's Better, Is Better Than My Better...

Tiger Woods is ridiculous. He is the most dominant player in any sport in the history of sport. No lie. I can't understand how anyone can be so good at something, and not just good, but so much better than the best in the world.



WTF?!

Let the big dog eat

-Swami

Bourne 4...

Universal announced plans to make a new Bourne movie with Damon and director Paul Greengrass agreeing to do it.

WTF?!?

I loved the first one. I liked the second one. If you read my blog, you know how much I hated the third. I ranked it the worst movie of the year last year. It is one of the worst "action" movies I have ever seen. Not to rehash old feelings, but how can you call it an "action" movie when there is only 10 minutes of super shitty - "I'm going to use a handheld camera to make it look fast and cool even though it's not"- action. It's bull shit. Bull. Shit. So then what is it? Is it the plot? Oh, you mean the same exact plot from the first two? That can't possibly be it. It's not even entertaining. It's a waste of money. And time. And talent.












I used to love the shit out of Damon. But after the third Bourne and his questionable comments about Bond (he said it was a weak franchise and that Ultimatum was better than Casino Royale) I have started to question him as a human being. I mean WTF? Seriously? You think your shitty movie can even hold a candle to Casino Royale? Get the eff out of my face. I'll kill you. Why don't you go make another shitty Ocean's movie so you can waste more of your talent.

I do love Matt Damon. But it's hard to stomach these shitty movies he does and I'm bitter about it. If this movie does happen and you (yes, you dedicated Ibodera reader) see it, I won't be your friend anymore. I'll call you names and tell people you have the clap.

I'm out.

-Swami

Superman...

I've always liked Dwight Howard. But now I officially love the shit out of him. The dunk competition on Saturday night was one of the best I have seen in probably almost 20 years. It reminded me of watching Spud Webb go up against The Human Highlight Reel back in the day. How can one man jump so high. He might be the most athletic person I have ever seen in my life. I mean, he threw the ball in the basket. That's how high he was. He threw it down into the hoop.

In case you missed it...



My second favorite dunk of the night was Gerald Green's "Birthday Cake" dunk. It lost a lot of attention after DH swooped in and broke the mold, but it was an amazing dunk:




In my prime I could dunk a soccer ball. Not so sure anymore. Stop being so ridiculous people. WTF.

-Swami

G-Chat Part 17 Million...

I'm not too big on the whole G-Chat thing. Mostly because I just started using it recently and also because I don't have a job so I don't need it to keep my occupied while I'm getting paid. But recently Brown Guy and I noticed how if you signed up to help support Obama on his website, they ask you for money. Like every day. As if getting letters from high school and college weren't enough...

BrownGuy: Michelle Obama needs to stop asking my broke-a$$ for money fa' real, son
Me: hahaha. i know right. every day. "Swami, guess what? We had a record 100,00 people donate in just 7 days. Let's make it 125,000." shut the fuck up michelle. i don't have any money. stop asking me.
Brown Guy: lol exactly
Me: if so many people are donating, why not just say thank you for your support. why is it every day she is tryin to blow up my spot. the worst is when barack does it because then i feel bad. he's like "Swami, we're making a real change in the world. Anything you can give would be amazing!" And I'm like damn Barack, why you gotta tell me personally. It's so much harder saying no to you than to your annoying wife.
BrownGuy: hahahaha. This is true. Saying no to Barack himself is real tough. It's like scolding a concept.
Dear "inspiration," please stop bothering me about money, but please keep inspiring me. it just doesn't work
Me: hahahahaha. it's a catch 22. it's also bull shit. they should do a background check before they ask me for money. then they would see it's a waste of time
BrownGuy: i do know this, whenever i finally do get some money and donate, i'm going to leave a really snarky testimonial
like "here's a little bit of cash. btw, i pooped my pants thinking about how sweet it would be if you were president. now please leave me alone." --Brown Guy
Me: "PS - Please tell your wife to stop shakin me down. She's worse than the mob."
BrownGuy: seriously


-Swami

Assing-Out...

To those who don't know the term, 'assing-out' is used to refer to those individuals who fall asleep when they should not. Often it is a friend (or Other Guy) at the bar or while drinking. Assing-out leads to ridicule and often drawing on faces. There are many types of assing-out but few as hilarious as the public-ass-out. Can you imagine a funnier picture than the recollection of a friend slumped over at the bar asleep, or passed out on the couch during a party? These are the regular images that come to my mind when I picture it. But now there is a new hero for those tired few...



-Swami

Put Some Clothes On....

Recently, Other Guy and I have been going to the gym in our hometown and I guess we missed the memo that said "You must be naked and disgusting to enter the locker room." It's not like funny naked though. It's actually disgusting. First of all, I don't understand the allure of walking around naked in a room full of other guys. I could understand maybe if everyone was gay, but they're not. Not only that, I went to a gay gym last year. It wasn't called 'Gay Gym' (it was actually a Bally's) but it was 2 blocks from my apartment in Chelsea and it was mostly gay guys who went there. They weren't naked all the time. In fact, I don't think I ever saw one naked guy the entire time I was there. Granted they wore fishnet cut off shirts when they worked out, but they weren't naked.

I guess what makes me so mad is the way that they are naked. It isn't like just for a second before they put on clothes at their locker. It's the entire time they are in there. They get out of the shower and then walk around naked. This one guy blow drys his balls in front of the huge mirror which happens to be right in the entrance to the locker room. I saw another guy walk over to the urinal area completely naked. He wasn't even wearing flip-flops. I almost threw up when I saw that. People are really working hard to ruin my life over there.

I get it. You're naked. Cool. Go home and do it. I don't wanna see that. There's a reason I don't like looking at fat ugly naked white dudes, it's because you're disgusting. Don't talk to me when you're naked. Every time I go in there it's like f-ing Calendar Girls only instead of old naked white chicks it old naked fat pasty white dudes. Enough.

Seriously? I'm begging you. Put some clothes on.

-Swami

This is pretty much the only locker room situation I'm down with...