I Vote Therefore I Am

So today I Baracked the vote and Baracked it hard. I had to deal with all manner of obstacles to
securing my vote, but I got it done.

Numerous things stood in my way: from the 122 year olds working the precincts, to the 123 year old geriatric voters, completely perplexed by modern-day voting equipment and the audible English language. (I know, I'm making fun of old people and it's not cool...I'm going to Hell, etc.) I literally braved the rain, sleet and snow (and sea of old people) to make my electoral voice heard.

The actual voting experience was a letdown. I just pushed a button and my vote was made. I felt like I deserved a happy meal or a free t-shirt for my troubles, but I walked out with nothing but a sorry sticker and a bunch of time spent that I desperately want back. But the highlight of my experience was definitely getting the chance to hop in front of a camera after I voted for an impromptu TV interview. It went down something like this:

Reporter: Excuse me, young man. Can I interview you?

Brown Guy: Sure.

Reporter: If it's okay, I'd just like to ask you a few questions.

Brown Guy: Of course (as I put Chapstick on my dry-ass lips and get ready to drop some serious knowledge on this poor woman).

For the next two minutes, I proceeded to give this woman a modern civics lesson, factoring in the influence of new-media and grassroots organizing tactics, the picture of the electoral map and the clear transformational mandate that the next president will have to implement sweeping change.

I was feeling pretty good about myself and was extremely confident that I came off as not only knowledgeable, but also hot and sexy. "Can't wait to see myself on the 10 o'clock news," I thought. Then I asked the reporter "what channel are you with?" She replied, "oh, we are Russian TV."

Russian TV.

Russian TV?!!

WTF?!!

I can't win. Now my black a$$ is going to be plastered all over Moscow and my words will undoubtedly be translated into some stereotypical bullsh*t like "Hi. I'm black. I voted, but I also play lots of basketball and think R-Kelly is a genius."

For the love of Perestroika.

I'm out,

~ Brown Guy