"Whatever I can get"

I'm always slightly alarmed by the wanton use of the "Whatever I can get" sexual preference option on Facebook. To me, "Whatever I can get" means that in the prolonged absence of another human being, one might consider hot, lovely relations with a pig or dolphin or some other mammal with purportedly high intelligence/relationship appeal. Look, I'm not one to judge. In undergrad, I hooked up with Chewbacca at least once and I'm sure several others who originate from the planet Kashyyyk; but when I found out that some dude from the UK got busted for doing the wild monkey dance with his bicycle, I decided to draw that proverbial line in the sand.

"Whatever I can get" has taken on new meaning for me. I mean, the thought of this guy throwing on a Barry Manilow record, pouring two glasses of Merlot and then talking his bike into doing something that it really doesn't want to do (but kinda wants to do) is simply too much.




I implore everyone to put a stop to the madness,


~Brown Guy

PS. I'm serious. Stop it.