Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Monkey See. Monkey Do.

Why is it that every time I see someone digging in their nose, I say "ewe" to myself and then 3 minutes later hit the jackpot in my own nose with my own metacarpal(s)? It's really a freaking ridiculous and contagious habit and set of behaviors that I came face to face with today on the Metro. Today I watched it all go down like this:
  • Alarmingly big, soft and pimply dude squeezes his way into a "seniors seated first" seat on the train. An old, unsuspecting woman loses the good fight and becomes pinned to this mass of soon-to-be boogerfication for the duration of the 8 minute ride.
  • Pimply dude starts going at it with his nose like his finger is Tom and the booger is Jerry, and Jerry is running in and out of crevices and fooling Tom into eating a stick of dynamite that's sandwiched between two hotdog buns...or something like that. What I'm trying to say is dude was digging in his m*****f****n' nose like a m*****f****r!
Chain reaction begins.
  • Homely woman sitting across from pimply dude makes a funny face, having seen pimply dude's gold expedition with intricate detail - only rivaled by that of an iMax show in 3D. Homely woman then -- not even two minutes later-- proceeds to pinch a golden apple from her left nostril.
  • Next up, Jewish dude with product-devoid afro and disgustingly expensive jeans gives some "thumb up the nose" action. (and for those of you who think thumb up the nose is either a) okay to do, or b) discreet, I have to inform you that you are STILL digging in your m*****f****n' nose like a m*****f****r! And everybody knows it.)
So I'm sitting back right? Brown Guy observing the masses in complete and utter disgust and contempt for the metro's version of Lewis and Clark and the entire boogery bunch. Finally my stop comes and I hurry off, shooting each culprit a patented Brown Guy look of contempt (TM). As I scurry up the escalator and lock eyes with this dude wearing a tank-top (and it's like 55 degrees outside so I'm allowed to look at him funny), I notice him shooting me back a funky look of disgust.

I just think to myself that dude is salty about my fresh argyle from Banana, but low and behold, and without my own immediate awareness, my middle finger is solidly in my nose 3/4ths of the way to the first knuckle.

Picking your nose is contagious. Monkey see. Monkey do.

~Brown Guy

Ps. Get your fingers out your nose.

1 comment:

K said...

ok, EWE.

but personally, i prefer the MORE discreet thumb method.