Friday, December 28, 2007

Put Some Clothes On....

Recently, Other Guy and I have been going to the gym in our hometown and I guess we missed the memo that said "You must be naked and disgusting to enter the locker room." It's not like funny naked though. It's actually disgusting. First of all, I don't understand the allure of walking around naked in a room full of other guys. I could understand maybe if everyone was gay, but they're not. Not only that, I went to a gay gym last year. It wasn't called 'Gay Gym' (it was actually a Bally's) but it was 2 blocks from my apartment in Chelsea and it was mostly gay guys who went there. They weren't naked all the time. In fact, I don't think I ever saw one naked guy the entire time I was there. Granted they wore fishnet cut off shirts when they worked out, but they weren't naked.

I guess what makes me so mad is the way that they are naked. It isn't like just for a second before they put on clothes at their locker. It's the entire time they are in there. They get out of the shower and then walk around naked. This one guy blow drys his balls in front of the huge mirror which happens to be right in the entrance to the locker room. I saw another guy walk over to the urinal area completely naked. He wasn't even wearing flip-flops. I almost threw up when I saw that. People are really working hard to ruin my life over there.

I get it. You're naked. Cool. Go home and do it. I don't wanna see that. There's a reason I don't like looking at fat ugly naked white dudes, it's because you're disgusting. Don't talk to me when you're naked. Every time I go in there it's like f-ing Calendar Girls only instead of old naked white chicks it old naked fat pasty white dudes. Enough.

Seriously? I'm begging you. Put some clothes on.


This is pretty much the only locker room situation I'm down with...

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Mr. Big Shot

Good thing we have 4 people blogging here otherwise no one would ever post (he said sarcastically). There are a whole lot of intolerable people out lately. The Holidays have a tendency to bring out the crazies. But they also seem to be bringing out awesome basketball lately. Pistons v Celtics might have been the best regular season game I have seen in half a decade. It was amazing. Kobe's Lakers are legit without anyone really playing lights out which means they will hopefully get a chance to make it out of the first round this year. The Pistons are finally getting some respect back from people after beating them. Chauncey is so hot right now.

You know what needs to happen. Court side seats at basketball games need to be not so expensive. If they reserved like 5 of them for people to wait in line and by them at a reasonable price at the box office I can guarantee there would be at least a couple hundred people waiting in line every single game. I know I would. I just hate that 2 little 12 year old girls who clearly knows nothing about basketball and could care less about what's going on in the game than the chance that they might make it on the jumbotron get to sit there because their dad has season tickets and doesn't ever go to the game. Nothing could make me more mad than people wasting the best seats at any sporting event period.

Give me the ticket. I mean look at these seats...

I'm out man. Give me your tickets.


Wednesday, December 12, 2007

It's Just a Game...

Yesterday, Isiah Thomas had this to say about his job being in jeopardy and his woebegone Knicks...

"I fight 'til I die. It's not about giving up or quitting. To me, it's win or die. I literally mean death, I don't mean 'walk away.' I mean death. That's how I have coached. We've got a job to do here and we're going to get it done. I'm confident we have the right players and confident we have the right people, and we'll dig our way out of this."

Really? Death? Dude - relax. That's some next level shit. Have a seat and drink some water. It's basketball. I'd say he was just making a point but he goes out of his way to make sure we know death is the consequence if you lose. Now he never says who exactly is going to die which, to be honest, scares me a little. He's gonna kill somebody.

Calm down.


Tuesday, December 11, 2007

G-Chat Part I: Curry don't leave me!!

[Disclaimer: This post is stupid.]


This is the first installment of numerous more installments, reflecting the ridiculous/drama-soaked conversations that myself and others have over Gmail.

Peep the complete and utter disbelief that I express at the thought of a world without delicious curry:

me: what do you mean there is no such thing as curry?!! frankly, if that's true, i'm going to burst into tears!
Sent at 4:51 PM on Tuesday

[Unnamed]: there is no such thing as curry [Brown Guy]. its a colonialist invention that has sullied the good name of indian cooking

me: oooh
what the hell is curry, though?

[Unnamed]: there's no such thing! the nytimes wrote about how there is no such thing
its made up.. nothing in indian cooking is called curry. no indian could tell you what curry is

me: then why do i have it in my kitchen and love it so much?

[Unnamed]: hahahahaha

me: it's like garam masala, right?

like it's a bunch of stuff that's mixed together
[Unnamed]: you have garam masala in your ktichen!

me: tumeric
all that stuff
cardamom pods

[Unnamed]: yes... i would concede that curry at best is a mixture, an english name for masala
me: wow
that's a serious elvisification of spices
curry=elvis inventing rock n' roll

[Unnamed]: i'm finding that nytimes piece and sending it to you..i think it actually came out in 2004

Look. A world without curry is a world that I don't want to live in. And if curry is elvis, then I ain't nothin' but a hound dog.

That's real.

~Brown Guy

Sunday, December 9, 2007

Puerto Rico is for Pigs

Sorry for the hiatus, but I've spent the last few days in Puerto Rico with my company. Any number of unspeakable things happened, including me losing my iPod (and you best believe that within 24 hours I'd already purchased another); I took what amounts to a 9 hour shower in my hotel room; I walked around with my fly open for an entire night, and I took a swim in the ocean at 3am after taking a shot of Bacardi and chasing it with a swig of Hurricane. (NOT SMART!!)

But all ridicularity (I know, not a real word...) aside, I had one of the coolest experiences ever, taking a scenic drive with some coworkers from Rio Grande to the village of Cayay and hit up a Lechonera - or roasted pig stand - called "Lechonera Los Pino" that was seen on Discovery's Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations.

Let me just say that this was some of the juiciest, most tender and juicy pork that I've ever tasted. (Did I mention that it was juicy?)

As the famous comedian and street intellectual Chris Rock once said, "I'll eat a pig's a$$ if you cook it right!"

Indeed Mr. Rock. Indeed.

~Brown Guy


...white people rule.

Is That Even Legal...

You know what's funny? No, I mean besides the fact that Brown Guy, Viggy and Other Guy never blog... But how driving in front of a police car makes you question every move you make. I was sitting at a stop sign waiting to turn left onto a road that has quite a bit of traffic on it. I was going to turn into the middle turn lane to avoid having to wait for both sides to be clear when I saw the police car in my mirror. I wondered if that move is even legal. Then I began wondering if half of what people do on the road is legal.

About a month ago Other Guy mentioned Detroit traffic laws or the lack thereof and after a few recent visits I can confirm the notion. It's anarchy on the roads there. You can literally pull a u-turn right in front of a cop in the middle of the road while speeding with all your doors open and no one would care. It's madness.

That's about all.

Drive safe


Thursday, December 6, 2007

Superman That Tree...

So I recently found further proof that my parents think I'm Superman. Our realtor called us (my parents are selling our cottage) and informed us that a tree had fallen in our driveway and it was blocking part of it. My mom tells her not to worry, that I am home and I will move it. I had my doubts. I heard tree, and assumed it weighed more than me. I was right. I got there to see a large birch tree that I definitely could not pick up. I moved a lot of the branches but there was still some work left to do.

I waited for Other Guy to come home to help me out and we set off with a plan to tie it to my car. Unfortunately the driveway was pure ice and even my super powerful 4 wheel drive Subaru almost got stuck in the ice. So, it was up to our brute strength. Here is what happened. Be sure and watch carefully about a 1:35 in when Other Guy meets the ice.


Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Mr. Brady...

As much as I hate being a Spartan sharing a blog with three Wolverines, I must say that Tom Brady might be the best thing to come out of the Big 10 since Magic Johnson. A lot of controversy last night in that win over the Ravens and as nice as it would have been to see the underdog win, the penalties were all the right calls. I wonder if the Lions offered Brady 200 million dollars for the next 5 years, if he would consider coming to the D?

One could only hope. Meanwhile the Lions break my heart a little more every week. I don't know what's worse, being 6-2 and tied for the lead for the Wildcard and then losing 4 in a row to make it very hard, if not impossible, to make the playoffs or being as bad as we have been the past decade.

Oh well.