Friday, February 8, 2008

Heavy Breathers




















You know what I hate. Heavy breathing. And everything that goes with it. Yesterday I was trying to sit in class and space out in peace when this morbidly obese girl decided to sit behind me. Usually she sits on the opposite side of the room so I'm not bothered by it, but yesterday she thought she'd ruin my day by sitting in my comfort zone. Apparently sitting down is so stressful for her that she needs to breathe like she just climbed 10 flights of stairs. There was no stopping it. It was obscene, uncontrollable heaving. Like really gross wheezing. I thought I was gonna throw up. At one point during a quiz it was extra quiet and she was breathing so loud I couldn't concentrate. Then for a couple seconds it stopped, pure silence, followed by a huge gasp for air. Like her heart stopped. I almost lost it. WTF.

Seriously. WTF. If you are so fat that you can't even sit down for two hours without gasping for air then you need help. Like, you're gonna die. Take the f-ing stairs bitch. And don't ever sit next to me again. I mean WTF. I understand you're obese, but take the extra step to not die in front of me. Later in class we had to do this lab and then hand it in so I waited until she finished and turned around and told her I would take hers and hand it in for her. I didn't want to deal with her stealing all my oxygen after she spent all the energy getting up and moving. If she ever sits by me again I'm gonna move. Across the room. And sit next to the girl who looks like Vanessa Carlton. Like exactly like her. Which makes me wonder why I don't see by her in the first place...




















Stay alive people. Honestly.

-Swami

3 comments:

Brown Guy said...

Weezing is outrageous, man. I was at a meeting the other day and wanted to hook one of the dudes in the meeting up to some oxygen an inject him with some vitamins and minerals. I don't understand how we do this to ourselves. At some point, you have to look at yourself and think, "damn, I can't breath. Maybe I shouldn't have finished off that whole box of easy mac," right?

M. Viggy said...

In addition, fat americans are the reason we use so many resourses. If we didn't have so many fat people in suv's we wouldn't be so dependant on other countries for oil.

Law Revue said...

Having a telephone conversation with a heavy breather is my personal favorite.